London's Calling
by MuchMoreRetro
Summary: Jenny has to return to London for a funeral of a family friend and Emma has to come to terms with who her girlfriend was before Cologne.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is my own. Even these words belong in part to Microsoft Office.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Wanted to upload this on here for people who are having LJ difficulties. Reviews are always appreciated :D Cheers and enjoy!

Emma grasped tightly on the hand that pulled her from the taxi and into the cold night air. The alcohol on her breath expelled the chill from her body as she breathed unevenly, hurrying to the front door. Jenny's keys jangled as she retrieved them from her shoulder bag with her spare hand. She raised them triumphantly, throwing Emma a victorious smile from over her shoulder and began, with only a little difficulty, trying to wrestle the key into the lock.

Although not overly drunk both Emma and Jenny had decided to grab at taxi from Cholus and go back for the car in the morning. Emma was naturally anxious about leaving the car overnight, anything could happen. Thieves, vandals… night foxes! All known to be at large and dangerous in Cologne. But her girlfriend had graciously reminded her that it was Emma who fears for Jenny's life every time she gets behind the wheel of a car, let alone every time she gets behind the wheel of a car after a drink or two and Jenny was adamant that leaving the car was 'the lesser of too evils'. Emma's words, not Jenny's. Jenny had called it 'the obvious solution'. So Emma flapped, truth be told. But eventually she had given a reluctant shrug and decided to try and enjoy a night out with her mates. Jenny helped.

"Shit," Jenny hissed, grappling with the lock impatiently as she struggled to turn the key in the door. "Shit, shit, shit."

Emma yawned, she was surprisingly tired after the initial sobering blast of cold air on her skin. She sighed and closed her eyes. Maybe 'not overly drunk' was being a bit too kind. Drowsily, her head found its way to Jenny's shoulder where it rested precariously due to Jenny's incessant fumbling. But Emma was too far-gone to care. Her breathing evened as sleep began to take her.

'Fuck me!' Jenny hissed. The strong scent of Jenny's perfume had long since faded to a mere trace and was now just a part of the scent that Emma had come to know simply as 'Jenny'. She loved that smell, even if it was currently fighting for dominance over the stale scent of sweat from the club. The lights were hot and dancing seemed to be the theme for the night, but Emma didn't mind. She liked watching Jenny dance. Even with guys. Actually, especially with guys.

Emma smiled in Jenny's shoulder, wistful and ready for bed, before suddenly plunging forward, head in a collision course with the floor. _Jenny wasn't there anymore. Where'd Jenny go? What happened to Jenny!_

Too strong arms caught her before she could completely lose her balance and give herself a 4-day concussion. They helped her back upright and propped her against one of the Bergman's minimally decorated walls. The plaster was cool to the touch and again the cold beneath her fingers roused her a little from her impending coma. Her eyes struggled open once more, only to be met by two, cool blue ones. They were practically smiling at her. Or was that laughter she saw?

"What's so funny?" Emma asked, equipped with a frown and a pout. As her words left her she realised how hoarse her throat was. There must have been a lot of loud, exuberant singing along with all that dancing tonight.

This time Jenny did laugh, warmly. The sound made Emma's nerves jangle and she had to work hard not to let her frown falter. "I can't take you anywhere can I?" Jenny said with an air of arrogance, eyebrow raised. Only the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth said that Jenny would take Emma everywhere if she could.

"Hey!" Emma responded, punctuating her defence with a little punch to Jenny's arm. Her girlfriend grimaced mockingly.

"Not so hard Hilary, ouch."

"Ben kept buying me drinks okay?" Emma pleaded, trying desperately not to look like a crazy-ass lightweight in front of her mysteriously heavyweight girlfriend.

"Okay!" Jenny soothed, both eyebrows raised this time, her hands going to cup Emma's rosy cheeks. Jenny's right thumb traced along her cheek bone, feeling the prickly heat underneath that had been encouraged to the surface with booze. Emma was tired and irritable. Not to mention inebriated. "He's just… it's his way of being nice," Jenny reasoned. She leaned into Emma, rubbing her nose with her own. "Hmm?"

Emma sighed, her body slowly losing the will to stand up on its on two feet. She nodded ever so slightly. Jenny placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Okay?"

The small blonde nodded once more and mumbled a resigned, "Okay". In a rush, Jenny's lips were on hers again, soft and tender. She could feel her smiling into their kiss and she couldn't help but smile in return. All of a sudden Jenny's body was pressed flush to hers; fingers laced through her hair, one hand gripping the front of her coat holding her close. No, not her coat. Her top. Her coat was on the floor already, how did that happen?

If she hadn't woken up enough already a soft but insistent bite from Jenny on Emma's bottom lip brought her well truly back into the world of the living. Seeing her opportunity Jenny ran her tongue over the now tender area before finding Emma's with her own eliciting a small and involuntary moan. Emma allowed her hands to grasp at the thin material covering Jenny's lower back, quickly find their way underneath. The brunette's skins was on fire and the smell that before Emma simply thought of as Jenny was quickly becoming way too intoxicating._ Fuck me_, Emma thought. Or did she speak it? She couldn't hear anything over the sound of her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest.

Her knees were still struggling to keep her upright but now for a completely different reason. Emma's hands traced round her girlfriend's hips, soft, smooth skins beneath her fingers, and settled on Jenny's stomach. She pushed a little, not to push Jenny off of her but to edge her towards the Bergman's sofa which right then was looking very inviting. But Jenny refused to move and instead pushed Emma back, back into the wall with force.

The brunette stood, breathing heavily and frozen in front of Emma. It was only now that she realised Jenny's shirt was torn. Her eyes were darker now, darker than she'd ever seen, and Emma found that she could no longer look Jenny's way.

"Do you want me to?" came Jenny's voice through the darkness. It was then Emma realised they hadn't even got round to switching the lights on.

"What?" Emma found herself frowning again, this time in confusion.

Her girlfriend inspected what was left of her shirt, sighed and shrugged it off to reveal a tasteful black bra underneath. Emma swallowed. Hard. She remembered one of the many lessons 10 Things I Hate About You had taught her. Nobody owns black underwear unless they want someone to see it. She'd scoffed at the time but Emma couldn't help wondering if Jenny had picked out that bra in the hope that maybe, just maybe, Emma would see it that night. The blonde quietly hoped so.

Jenny shifted from foot to foot. Was she nervous about something? It would have been cute if it hadn't been for her state of wondrous undress. She then caught Emma with her eyes matter-of-factly, brows raised. "Emma..." her voice was loaded. It wasn't a question. It almost sounded like a warning.

_Oh God!_ Realisation hit. Emma clapped her hand over her mouth and Jenny couldn't help but smile._ I said it._ "I said it didn't I?"  
>The brunette nodded and her smile grew wider as a blush began to creep into the blonde's cheeks. Emma groaned, scrunched her eyes closed and leaned her head back against the wall. She felt Jenny's fingers entwine with hers and found herself being pulled forward where her forehead came to rest against her girlfriend's. Emma kept her eyes firmly shut. How could she have been so stupid? She knows Jenny wants to, she knows she's not used to waiting like this. And it's not like she couldn't just go somewhere else for it. She wouldn't even have to leave this God damn house. Fuck. She didn't mean it literally, it had just slipped out. Had she got Jenny's hopes up? She'd know if could just look into those blue eyes but she couldn't bring herself to.<p>

"Fuck…" Emma mumbled. She tried to twist away but Jenny had her.

"We're not ready," Jenny whispered.

Emma gripped Jenny's hands tight with frustration. "No. You're ready. I'm…I'm useless."

"Emma! This thing here, you and me, we're a 'we'. And if one of us isn't ready then neither of us are okay? Especially if we're drunk."

"Yeah, I er, I guess I'm a little drunk," Emma admitted, smiling sheepishly. Jenny bit her bottom lip, biting back a ridiculous smile. "But you!" she wrestled her hand free and gave her captor a prod in the shoulder. "You're gone," teased Emma. She knew that she was by far more hammered than her girlfriend but it felt good to be able to pretend. And Jenny was gracious enough to let her.

"Uh huh. I think you're going to have to carry me to bed my dear." She said with the briefest of winks.

Emma placed both her hands on Jenny's bear shoulders and spoke with a solemn nod. "I think that would be a recipe for disaster my darling." The brunette tugged on the waistband of Emma's jeans, bringing her closer once again and placed a lingering kiss on her lips. When they parted Jenny wrapped her hands round her and tucked her head into the crook of her neck. Jenny's hot breath on the soft, sensitive skin of Emma's neck was soothing and the blonde almost managed to forgot her girlfriend was practically naked from the waste up… almost. So she closed her eyes and did the same, placing a gentle kiss on Jenny's neck.

They stayed like that for a while. Just breathing in the scent of each other. Finding comfort in each other's arms.

The sound of keys being driven into locks broke both girls from their reverie.

"Shit!" they both exclaimed, jumping apart as if scolded. Jenny wheeled round to the door. 'Ben, ' She whispered. Ben had insisted on staying out until closing time. Was it that late?

There was a muffled "Jenny?" from the other side of the door and more grinding of locks. If Jenny struggled to get in, Ben was certainly finding it hard. All of a sudden Jenny had hold of Emma's hand and she was being dragged through the front room and up the stairs, two steps at a time, all the while attempting not to squeal with laughter and wake the Bergmanns.

They barrelled into Jenny's room, pushed the door closed and fell onto the bed in a pile of limbs and laughter. Both shushing each other, hands over each other's mouths, they fell silent, listening for Ben's footfalls up the stairs. Eventually they came but stopped just outside Jenny's door. Both girls, still and silent saw the door handle begin to turn and the door crept open ever so slightly.

"Ben, get out. What the…?" Jenny started but she was interrupted as a hand snuck round the small gap between the door and the frame and hung a torn piece of green material on the handle.

"Thought you might want this back," they heard Ben whisper from the other side of the door. 'Though I wouldn't recommended wearing that it public again. Although, I wouldn't have recommended it in the first place to be honest.'

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Good night Ben."

"'Night Jenny, Emma."

"'Night. Thanks for getting me drunk with no strings attached."

"Anytime," was the response as he pulled the door closed. And then he was gone.

Emma flopped back down once more whilst Jenny changed for bed.

"You know it's not about sex right?" she called softly from the bathroom.

"Huh?"

"I mean sex is nice, don't get me wrong, but we can wait. It's not a race… it's not… it's not like you have any competition." Jenny emerged from the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe, taking in the sight of the small woman who had claimed her bed as her own. Her face in the pillows, legs already tangled in the sheets.

"You're not getting up are." No response. Well, it wasn't really a question. Jenny sighed as she anticipated their first quarrel of the morning. Emma ranting about sleeping in her clothes, how embarrassed she would have been if one of the Bergmanns came in. What would they think of her? Coming home so late, rolling into bed smelling of booze. She shook her head as she slipped under the covers, snuggling up next to the girl she loved.

"Next time, let's try not to mix our drinks hmm?" Jenny whispered. Emma groaned.

"How come you're so…?" she managed.

"Practice," Jenny shrugged.

"When?" Emma asked, quickly losing her battle with sleep.

Jenny shook her head. This wasn't a conversation she wanted to be having. She prayed for Emma to fall asleep, forget, anything but when she looked down her girlfriend's eyes were now open and gazing up at her. Innocent, unassuming. Jenny sighed, resigned. "London." She offered. "Berlin, Johannesburg... before here". Emma smiled and that seemed to appease her the moment. No doubt she'd have more questions eventually. She'd been patient with Jenny. She closed her eyes once more and buried her head in the brunette's neck.

"I love you Jenny," she spoke; the words tickled Jenny's neck and sent the trace of a shiver down her spine.

Jenny kissed the top of Emma's head and murmured the same confession into her hair, breathing in the soothing lavender scent of her shampoo.

"Remember," Jenny spoke softly. "If you get too drunk how are you supposed to remember how great I was so you can tell all your friends the next day."

"I hate you," Emma groaned but Jenny simply laughed and showered her with a flurry of the lightest kisses. Their hands found each other's and soon Emma was fast asleep, with Jenny not too far behind.

Just as sleep was about to take her the buzz of a phone woke Jenny with a start. Begrudgingly she slipped out of Emma's grasp and clawed at her bedside table in the dark. When she finally found some purchase she flipped open her phone and the dim light from the screen illuminated the room. Emma's perfect soft features looked so striking now with shadows forming across her cheekbones and beneath her eyes, across her adorable nose. Jenny found herself smiling again and had to drag her attention away from her sleeping beauty and back to the cause of the disturbance.

She had a text. Who was texting her at this time of night? Opening it she read the sender's name._ Erika._

_Shit. Not now._ Jenny rubbed her eyes and read on trying to quell the concern that had begun to churn in her stomach.  
><em><br>__Expect a phone call in the morning. Dad's dead. - E_

She closed her phone with a start and the room was again bathed in darkness. Shit. Maybe Emma would be getting her answers sooner than she thought. She'll certainly be asking questions in the morning when Jenny tells her she has to leave for London that very day.

Jenny groaned and placed the miserable device back on her table and tried as hard as she could to become entangled with Emma once more. But not matter how hard she tried or how much she tossed and turned, she couldn't get comfortable. _Not anymore. _

Jenny didn't sleep that night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Nothing is my own. Even these words belong in part to Microsoft Office.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Thanks for all your comments guys, much appreciated. More of the same? :P

Jenny towel dried her hair and waited for the kettle to boil. She needed two things to be a fully functioning human being in the morning: a shower and a good strong coffee. And if she hadn't had any sleep, make that a shower and half a dozen good strong coffees.

The kettle clicked off and ceased its rumblings. Jenny poured herself a coffee and leaned against the sideboard, sipping thoughtfully. It wasn't even 7am yet and she was awake, on a Sunday morning no less. She knew Emma would be asleep for at least the next few hours but Jenny was anxious. Anxious about the phone call she knew she was going to receive. Anxious about having to explain to her confused girlfriend why she had to leave and why it's so important that Emma doesn't come along with her. Anxious about opening up so recently healed wounds.

It was only 6am in London and she knew her parents would wait till a respectable hour to call her. There was the distinct possibility they wouldn't even know yet and the last thing Jenny wanted to do was to phone her father and end up being the one to inform him that his oldest friend had passed away in the night.

So Jenny waited. Sipping her coffee, she flicked through the early morning television. _Shit – shit - oh cool…oh no - just an advert for some good stuff amongst the shit_. At 9am she decided it was a good time to start breakfast. Stephan had already been out for the morning paper and had returned with croissants. She smiled a silent thank you. No doubt Stephan would know too soon. He had done business with Erika's dad before, Jenny was sure of it.

She placed some fresh coffee on a tray, along with the pastries and made her way upstairs and back into her room. Nudging the door open with her toe, Jenny padded inside and placed the tray down on the bed softly. In Jenny's absence Emma had managed to spread herself across a good two thirds of the double bed. Quite an achievement for someone so comatose. The brunette smiled, shook her head and perched next to her girlfriend. She noticed a few mischievous hairs had found their way out from behind Emma's ear and were shrouding her tightly closed eyes. Jenny smiled again and lovingly tucked them back. Soft sunlight fell across Emma's face then, making her features glow, a stark contrast from the shadows of the night before. Jenny couldn't resist leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Emma's slightly flushed cheek. The prickly heat still hadn't gone, Jenny noticed. Possibly from the alcohol that was still in her system or possibly from her state of fully clothed-ness. _Too many clothes, _Jenny thought.

Emma frowned and scrunched her nose up. A little moan of discomfort escaped her. "I didn't mean to wake you," Jenny whispered.

"Why did you bring coffee then?" Emma snuck an eye open at spotted the tray. "For two."

Jenny shrugged. "I'm thirsty". She may have intended to wake Emma up. In fact it was something Jenny very much enjoyed doing. Watching her twitch and whimper, slowing emerging from her slumber. She did it every time she stayed over. She was always up before Emma just so she could see the split second of panic in her eyes as she realises she was not in her own bed. And just so she could see it replaced by relief and contentment when she realises its Jenny's bed that she was currently tucked up in.

Right then however, Emma wasn't quite content. She frowned once more and stuck her bottom lip out ever so slightly. "My brain hurts."

Jenny returned her pout and traced a finger over the line of Emma's jaw almost unconsciously. "You'll be fine," she smiled as she ran a finger beneath her girlfriend's chin, tilting her head and bringing her lips up to meet hers. A small _mmmm _escaped Emma's throat and Jenny grinned into the kiss. That was the contentedness she was looking for. Pleased with herself, Jenny broke their kiss and moved to pour both her and Emma some coffee. "You really need to brush your teeth," she joked.

Emma grumbled but took the joke. "After coffee," she insisted.

"Deal," Jenny nodded.

Jenny convinced Emma to budge over in bed to make room for her once more and so they enjoyed breakfast together. Jenny would take Emma's jam order and apply the correct condiment to the croissants, all expertly spread and delivered adequately. They laughed and recalled the previous night's events at the club. Caro begrudgingly socializing with them, Bodo spilling his drink on a girl he was trying desperately to chat up, Luzi rolling her eyes every time Jenny and Emma did something "cute". It had been a good night, especially since they decided to keep the party rolling at the Bergmann's.

Jenny had almost forgotten about the text she'd received from last night until their breakfast was interrupted by a familiar buzzing coming from her bedside table. She stiffened, apologised to Emma and leaned to grab her phone. From the display she could see it was her father. She looked across to Emma who must have sensed her trepidation as worry was etched across her features. Her dark eyes now darker than they were before.

Jenny swallowed. She should have said something, tried to explain before but she was scared. Now it was too late. Emma knew that something was up, and Emma knew that Jenny had kept it from her. _Shit_. She flipped her phone open.

"Hi Dad." Jenny offered a smile to Emma but her face was still stark with worry.

"I know. I er, got a text last night. I'm really sorry dad." … "Yeah, I'm fine,"… "Yes… I know she shouldn't be…but," … "Okay, thanks Dad. I'll see you in Arrivals okay? Send my love to Mum." … "Fine, you'll send a car, great. See you s…" Jenny snapped her phone shut in annoyance and sighed, exhaling and sending her bangs all a flutter. Her father had hung up on her. He'd sounded awful, like he hadn't slept. Perhaps he had known earlier that morning.

"Everything alright?" Jenny heard her girlfriend ask, her voice betraying her ever so slightly with a tremble. Jenny kept her eyes closed. _Fuck_. "Jenny?" Emma's voice came again. Higher this time, panic sneaking in. "Jenny, what's happened?"

The brunette bit her bottom lip, huffed and opened her eyes. A pair of hazel orbs met her own blue ones, swimming with questions.

"My Godfather's died." Emma's eyes widened.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," Emma rushed forward to envelop Jenny in a desperate, crushing hug. Jenny found herself grinning over her girlfriend's rigorous concern.

"Thank you," Jenny managed. She didn't deal with sympathy well, even from Emma it seemed. They held their embrace for what seemed like forever when finally Jenny pulled back and wiped a tear from her eye. "I have to pack," she said quickly and practically leaped off the bed and away from Emma's desperate eyes.

"You're leaving?" She heard the question come from behind her.

"My Dad's booked me a flight. It leaves in three hours," Jenny explained. Not daring to turn around and face her girlfriend's questioning eyes, she pulled hard on the handle of her suitcase. It wouldn't budge.

"To London?"

"Yes, Emma. To London." Jenny snapped and her girlfriend fell silent._ She didn't deserve that_. Jenny stopped trying to yank her suitcase from the wardrobe, dropped her shoulders and turned round. Only to see something she wasn't expecting. She didn't see a defeated, quivering Emma. She saw a defiant one and it made her proud. Emma 2.0.

"That wasn't fair," Jenny blurted.

"No it wasn't."

"Sorry."

"Good," she nodded. "Thanks. But it's okay. You're allowed to be angry, just not at me okay?" The last few words were said with a little less certainty.

Jenny smirked and held up the piece of clothing that she was clutching in her right hand, the piece of clothing that she had hastily thrown into her wardrobe upon waking this morning. Her top from the night before. "Oh really?" she asked, eyebrow raised and smirk growing wider.

Emma clapped her hand over her mouth and Jenny could see a blush rising in her already hot cheeks. Jenny chuckled again. She felt she was laughing too much considering the current situation but sometimes with Emma you couldn't help but smile vigorously.

"It's okay. Your intentions were pure… well, not pure but … good. " She was really blushing now. "And besides, it was an Ex's." Emma blinked. Although Jenny didn't relish bringing it up, this was probably the most painless way to breach the subject, for both of them. Emma was still silent. "So, er, I'm glad you ripped it," Jenny offered, hoping to smooth things over as quickly as possible.

"But you still wear it?" Emma asked, not so innocently.

"Well, I liked it."

"But you're glad I ripped it?"

"Emma, it's just a shirt. That's all I'm trying to say." A tension hung in the room again.

"Emma," Jenny made sure their gazes met, "I have to go by myself okay?" Emma nodded.

"Maybe I can try and get the train across or someth…"

"I don't think that's the best id-"

"I want to be there for you." Emma explained, frustration creeping into her voice. Jenny smiled sadly.

"I know. And that's just one of the many, and there are _many_, reasons that I love you." Jenny was relieved to see a smile creep across Emma's sad face too. "I would love you to be there with me but there are certain … tensions." Jenny placed both hands on Emma's shoulders. "And you don't deserve to have to deal with them."

"Your ex?" Emma said with a pained expression, like Jenny was just about to rip a plaster from some miscellaneous wound. The brunette took a deep breath.

"Is my Godfather's daughter".

"Oh."

"Yeah…" They both nodded in a mutual appreciation of how shitty this situation could potentially get.

Jenny took Emma's chin between her thumb and forefinger once more and brought her eyes up to meet her own. "You trust me don't you?" Jenny asked. Suddenly panic played across Emma's eyes and she nodded her head vigorously.

"Of course I do," She rose a little on the balls of her feet and captured Jenny's warm lips with her own and made certain to remember the taste, the feeling, the sensations it elicited. It would be all that would keep her going whilst Jenny was away. They broke apart but kept their noses touching. "Just make sure she knows you're taken okay? I don't want her trying anything on?"

Jenny laughed, a throaty laugh this time, almost as if tears had been welling up behind her eyes and sobs within her throat. "Oh I'm pretty sure my Dad has already made sure she knows his little girl is no longer available."

Emma pulled back, a puzzled expression on her face, constantly convinced of Jenny's parent's disapproval of her. "Really?" Jenny closed the gap Emma had just created and kissed Emma once more, imprinting the moment in her mind, just as her girlfriend had done seconds before.

"Really,' Jenny whispered, her warm breath tickling the sensitive, soft skin of Emma's lips. They stayed there for a few moments more, foreheads touching until it was Emma who broke the silence.

"You should pack." Jenny _mmmed_ her agreement.

"And you should brush your teeth," she teased. Emma just laughed and padded through to the bathroom and Jenny quickly packed a travel bag.

There wasn't any time for long goodbyes at the airport so Emma got washed and dressed and the two girls said their goodbyes on the Bergmann's doorstep with Stephan waiting, sombre by the car. He'd explained that Jenny's father had phoned through, informing him of the situation and requesting he made sure she got to the airport in time to make her flight.

"Call when you touchdown okay?"

"Of course." Jenny nodded, still clutching the blonde's hands. "I love you Emma," she spoke honestly, attempting to assure her girlfriend. Although Emma seemed cool on the outside, the brunette knew she will have quickly begun to over think the whole situation already.

"I know. I love you too. If you need me let me know and I'll hold up a pawn shop and be on the first plane over okay?" Emma joked but her smile was forced and strained. She was putting on a brave face, one that certainly wasn't fooling. But the Jenny nodded glumly.

"Okay." They hugged, kissed once more and then Jenny was gone. On a plane to London.

_TBC_

**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>A short one this time. Not much happens, just wanted to get inside Emma's head a little. Enjoy!

Her girlfriend was gone. London called and Jenny had left at the drop of a hat. In fairness she had good reason to leave but Emma couldn't help but feel disposable all of a sudden. She was still at the Bergmann's and had no desire to leave. There was nothing of Jenny's at Emma's house so she preferred to just sit in her girlfriend's now unoccupied room and feel sorry for herself. Just for a little while. She felt like she was justified in doing so.

It's not like Emma had been given time to prepare for her girlfriend's departure. Jenny's leaving was sprung on her, it was sprung on both of them, and since she had left, Emma had been left with an overwhelming sense of uneasiness.

Jenny had said just the night before that Emma needn't worry. There wasn't any rush to take the next step in their relationship; they'd do it in their own time. She had said it wasn't a race. So why did Emma feel like she was having to compete all of a sudden? Compete with London, compete with this ex she knew nothing about. If the only reason they were apart was Jenny's move to Cologne, what was to stop them rekindling whatever they had shared when Jenny arrived home? And even if their break up wasn't on such amiable terms, there was not much chance of Jenny avoiding this girl; it was her father who passed away. And there'll be crying, holding, comforting – Emma was getting jealous even thinking about it.

Of course it had occurred to Emma that Jenny probably had numerous exs, guys or girls/guys and girls. She was well… you only had to look at her. When Jenny began her pursuit of Emma, the blonde often wondered what the globetrotting socialite from London saw in her. She'd questioned Jenny's motives over and over again in her head but eventually Jenny had won her over. That didn't stop the worrying though. She trusted Jenny, absolutely, or the rational part of her did anyway. But it was her own self-doubt that caused Emma to worry to the point of despair more often than not.

Jenny didn't mention anything about a return flight. Emma was sure her girlfriend was returning but when? Was she gone indefinitely? How long do these things usually take? Would she have family and friend's she'd want to visit and how long would that take? She was sure Jenny must have been popular in London, just as she was in her first few months at Pestalozzi. The way she walked and talked, it all screamed of familiarity. Entitlement. Maybe Jenny wouldn't even want to come home after being reminded of the good times in London. London was her home for goodness sake; her parents were there, her friends. Cologne was just temporary. She was just temporary.

Emma was dragged from her thoughts by a knock on Jenny's door. "Emma? You in there", came Ben's voice from the hall. "Emma?" The door opened and Ben was stood in what must have been his pyjamas. The blonde looked up at him from her sitting position on Jenny's bed, covers huddled round her. _Wow, I must look pathetic_. "Rough night?"

"Jenny's gone," she responded with a sigh.

"I know." He smiled, sympathetically as he moved into the room and perched on the corner of the bed.

"She's gone home Ben, to London," her voice cracked a little in frustration. He didn't understand. He probably didn't even give a shit.

"She'll be back," he placed a hand on her knee and squeezed gently. Emma's eyes shot to meet his at the contact and she was surprised to find comfort in them. "She's gone to London but this is her home now. Here, with you. Dare I say it here with us," he gestured around him grinning, meaning the Bergmann residence.

"But her ex is – "

"History. Okay? Now. I'm going to give you five minutes to straighten up this place, return anything that you were considering stealing as keepsakes and then we're heading out."

Emma looked dumbstruck. "Heading out where?"

Ben rubbed his hands together sadistically, a smile in his eyes. "I think we need to get your mind off things".

TBC

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Don't really know what to say in an author's note when this is a repost other than hope you enjoy and thanks for reading :D

Jenny had never enjoyed flying. She wasn't a nervous flyer by any means, in fact she was a pretty well adjusted at altitude considering. No, Jenny didn't like flying because of what it meant. Flying meant being up rooted and leaving to start again. Flying meant leaving behind friends and experiences, familiarity and safety; wiping the slate clean and having to start over. And once again Jenny was on a plane, travelling at over 400 miles an hour away from the dearest home she'd ever made for herself. It had hurt before, but at least Jenny could live in the knowledge that she'd be making the return journey soon after the funeral.

She closed her eyes and tried to forget. She tried to think of Emma. Tried to think of her smile and her exuberance. Her soft hair and even softer lips. Her hazel eyes that were so often and so unduly filled with worry. Like this morning when Jenny left Emma at the Bergmann's.

_Fuck._Even thinking of Emma was filling her with trepidation. Maybe Jenny just had to embrace it. Maybe Jenny and Emma needed this; a little distance, however excruciating it might be. Jenny was sure they'd come out stronger for it. And maybe it was just what Emma needed to be ready. Although being ready isn't exactly the same as wanting to have sex with your girlfriend before someone else of unsavoury background gets in there before you. Of course Jenny had no intention of sleeping with Erika or anyone else for that matter. She was still only just about entertaining the idea of being in the same room as her ex let alone engaging in any kind of intimate activities. And Jenny highly doubted her father would allow Erika to speak two words to her.

He wasn't to know that they'd kept in contact. It wasn't committal and it certainly wasn't often but Jenny knew Erika well enough to know she needed the contact to keep her on the straight and narrow. She needed to know she hadn't permanently damaged the girl she loved, even if she had destroyed their relationship.

Jenny closed her eyes, causing frown lines spread across her forehead. She should know better than to start thinking about it. She missed her best friend. And she wasn't thinking of Emma now.

She missed her presence. That's all. That was all she ever needed. It was never her smile, or her laughter. It was simply her presence. And that's why Jenny was dreading being in the same room as Erika. Not because she was worried Erika would smile and she'd lose it or she'd laugh and they'd be saying hello in one of the many cupboards in Erika's house - but because she hadn't been in her presence since it happened. Jenny was afraid of being with her and it not being the same. And it wouldn't be. She knew that. It's like when you know you've lost that person that you love but it never really hits you until you've buried them in the ground. It was like that with Erika.

She'd felt numb when she left for Cologne. Felt numb for a long time after that. But her mother and father had wanted to see her smiling, so she'd smiled for the Bergmanns, she'd smiled for the students at Pestalozzi. She had to. It's hard enough being the new girl. Jenny couldn't imagine what kind of reception she would have had if she'd turned up stoic and silent. She knew about moving school and she knew ways to adapt. That wasn't one of them.

Jenny hadn't felt anger yet and it scared her to think that's what she would feel when she sees Erika. They'd never even argued before, or Jenny didn't think so anyway. It would make it final. Could it give her the closure she was looking for? Maybe. And that was the only positive Jenny could see coming from this awkward scenario, and she was gripping on to it with dear life. It was her lifeline; that and Emma's smile, her hair, her scent.

When she had her eyes closed like this she could practically taste her lips. Jenny gripped the arms of her chair in frustration but smiled to herself, letting out a small laugh. She was glad she was flying business class otherwise a passenger next to her in coach might have gotten the wrong idea. Actually it would have been the right idea but certainly the wrong time and in the wrong place.

Of course Jenny respected Emma's decision to wait. Although not even Emma had respected that decision the night before, but she wasn't ready and Jenny knew it. Of course that didn't make it any less frustrating.

Jenny stepped off the plane and made her way down the steps onto the tarmac. The crowd before her hurried to the buses, sent to ferry passengers from their isolated spot on the runway to the distant terminal, fleeing from the imminent rain. It was July and it was raining. One of the many things London had in common with Cologne. Although Jenny didn't have need for her coat that was thrown over her arm in case of bad weather. At least both cities had the decency to maintain some warmth when the rain came.

The brunette had only packed a carry on bag so after a quick trip through customs with her British Passport she was in arrivals at Heathrow on the look out for her father's driver. Jenny scoured the crowd but couldn't make out a familiar face; which didn't surprise her really as her father went through drivers like Caro went through facial expressions. With some more searching she came across a short, anxious looking gentleman with thinning silver hair with a sign that read, 'Ms. Hartman,' clutched in his small hands. Ah, my father's next victim. Jenny waved and sent a small smile his way. He seemed to relax a little upon seeing her and nodded his head. "Ms. Hartman, please, right this way. May I take you bag?"

Jenny laughed a little and waved the small man away, "Please, it's Jenny and there's no need." Her words however, seemed to fall on deaf ears as her father's man insisted on taking said bag. Although Jenny had been privy to this kind of treatment before, she'd grown used to its absence and had in fact become happier for it. The independence she'd found in Cologne had been liberating but now she already felt her father's 'my roof, my rules' ethos tightening its grip upon her, quite literally as she stepped into the Country. Jenny supposed she should be grateful to be on the receiving end of such treatment. That didn't mean she had to like it however. _This is going to take some getting used to. _

The journey from Heathrow to her parent's house in Kingston wasn't long and in 30 minutes she was stood on her doorstep. Her father's driver, or Kenneth as she had discovered, had taken the car round to the back of the house to the garages. Jenny rung the door bell and waited, gripping her bag tightly, anxiously. Her knuckles quickly turned white.

She looked at the paintwork on the door and smiled, shaking her head a little. Looked like her mother had finally managed to persuade her father to have it painted that bright pillar-box read. Jenny recalled her mother pleading with her father for months over it. And every time her mother was answered with a resounding, 'No, Ralph Myers thinks the colour red is for communists, socialists and feminist'. Her mother would then call Mr Myers a philistine and her father would argue, with a wink, that whenever Mr Myers was in attendance, they were all philistines. Jenny had to admit, the red looked good.

Other than the door, it was almost as if nothing had changed. The birds still sang the same song, the swans in the river were nesting just where they had the previous summer and if Jenny closed her eyes she could still here the murmuring of frivolities from the nearby pubs across the river. The rain had dried up and the sun was just and so peaking through the clouds, and Jenny found herself crying as her mother opened the door and gathered her into her arms.

Emma face ached. No, not ached. Emma's face was killing her. Was that possible? She had racked her brain and she couldn't remember ever laughing as hard as she had done in the last 90 minutes.

Emma had protested but Ben had insisted on dragging her to a screening of Airplane at a little cinema he knew on the edges of Hohenzollernring. They'd got popcorn, ice cream, pick 'n' mix; you name it, they'd consumed it and once the film was over they'd just and so managed to roll their way to a small coffee place just down the street.

Ben was looking pleased with himself as Emma recounted yet another one of the skits from the movie. He sipped his espresso and had to be careful not to expel it again when Emma managed to somehow do a spot on Leslie Nielsen. He'd never seen her like this before. It could have been all the sugar they'd consumed, actually it probably was partly to do with all the sugar they'd consumed but Ben hoped it also had something to do with him successfully quelling any fears Emma had about Jenny's hasty departure.

Their laughing eventually petered out and they fell into a comfortable silence, both sipping contentedly at their beverages. Emma noticed Ben frown a little into his coffee as if an unpleasant thought had just crossed his mind. Considering the genuine concern he'd shown for her that day, it seemed only right to for her to ensure he was okay.

"Ben? Is everything okay?" Ben looked up, startled and a smile spread slowly across his face as he realised he'd been caught.

"I'm fine," he said earnestly. "I just…" He hesitated. Emma frowned now and nodded, encouraging him to continue. He sighed but not begrudgingly, and continued, all be it hesitantly. "Emma," he looked her square in the eyes hoping that she would see honesty there, "I didn't know. I would never have…you know with Jenny." He began to ramble. "You said in the car you'd been together for a while and then I thought about Jenny's birthday and I realised, shit, you know? Those two were hooking up and I totally-" Emma reached out and squeezed Ben's hand from across the table. The poor guy looked panicked. Super cool Ben Bergmann falling over his words in front of meek little Emma Muller. How times had changed.

"Ben, you didn't know," she smiled, reassuringly. "I don't blame you. It was both of us. Me and Jenny. We were… I was stupid. You don't need to apolgise – ever. And we weren't 'hooking up' as you call it. We were just..." Emma shrugged and Ben sighed, a sigh of relief now and he raised her hand to his lips and gave it a quick kiss.

"Emma Muller, you are most gracious. And far too merciful." They both laughed then as Emma swatted Ben away. Their laughing didn't cease until the loud buzzing of Emma's phone on the table brought the pair to silence. Emma looked to see the caller I.D. It was Jenny. Ben looked at her meaningfully and she grabbed the phone, bringing it up to her ear in an instant. "Jenny," Emma said, desperately trying hard not to sound like she was painfully missing her already, she failed.

"Hey. I just got in."

"Great. Everything okay with the flight stuff?"

"It was fine," Jenny said. Her voice seemed small and far away. Emma worried.

"Are _you_okay?" She asked. She heard her girlfriend sigh but could hear the smile in her voice.

"I'm fine. Just got a bit emotional coming home, that's all. I saw my mum and practically bawled my eyes out," now she was laughing down the phone at herself and Emma couldn't help but smile at the sound. Although the words Jenny used, 'coming home,' they irked her, probably more than they should but they did. Emma shook her head to rid the irrational thought from her head.

Ben raised a pair of questioning eyebrows at Emma and with a nod she confirmed that Jenny was doing fine, despite the crazy. "How are you doing? Surviving with out me?" Jenny teased.

"We're good. –"

"We?"

"Ben and I. Ben's been trying to keep me sane, haven't you?"

He laughed, "Not sure if stuffing you full of sugar was the best way to go about it but I think I succeeded."

"Did you hear that?" Emma asked her girlfriend.

"Every word. And if you're a diabetic later in life someone's going to get beat." Emma laughed again warmly. So many of the worries from earlier that morning seemed trivial now at the sound of her girlfriend's voice. She was still somewhere on this rather large earth. Still somewhere, still her girlfriend and still thinking about Emma. And importantly, Jenny was still thinking about their future.

"Look, honey, I have to go. My mum's calling. I have a dinner to go to tonight and mother wants to take me to pick out a new dress. Apparently everything I have here is last, last, last season."

"Gosh, how awful," Emma teased. She actually knew very little about Jenny's parents but from their one and only meeting, that didn't seem like something beyond Jenny's mother's capabilities. And she thought _she_was irrational.

Jenny giggled a little and Emma's heart rose in her chest. "I know, the horror," was her girlfriend's response. "Yes mother!" Emma heard Jenny call, slightly muffled as if she'd put the hand over the phone. Not for secrecy, just so Jenny didn't deafen her girlfriend down the phone. "I can wear what I want, I don't care if she's looking," Emma frowned at that one. Who would be looking? And why would her mother care wh… – Her ex. Jenny's ex would be there. Emma's heart that had just soared so high in her chest moments ago had now plummeted. Emma wanted to ask but she also wanted to show how much she trusted her girlfriend. Jenny didn't need Emma fussing and growing jealous. Especially in the circumstances they currently found themselves. So she stayed quiet.

"Anyway. I really have to go," Jenny continued, "I'm glad you're doing okay. Thank Ben for me. Bye babe."

"Bye Jenny, I love y-" But Jenny was gone. The frown that was on Emma's face darkened. She knew she shouldn't read into everything as much as she did. But she found it hard not too. Her girlfriend had been a rush, that was all. She knew Jenny loved her. She loved Jenny. It was fine. This London thing was just temporary and in a week or so Jenny would be back in Cologne and it'd be as if nothing had ever happened.

Ben offered Emma a weak smile. She didn't match it.

**Hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Er, sorry about all the angst. We'll get more Emma next chapter. Promise.

Jenny put the finishing touches to her outfit. Her mother had insisted they bought her a black dress. Anything a synch brighter and it would have shown a lack of respect. Even though they were all practically family it felt as if Jenny was being dressed to impress again. Whenever Jenny's father would move the family to a new part of the world, Jenny would always be expected to dress up and look pretty on her father's arm at their first few business functions. She'd smile and charm and her father would smile and charm and when she got home she felt like she'd sold her soul a thousand times over.

She knew since her and Erika's break up, if you could call it that, that things hadn't quite been the same between her father and Erika's dad. She also knew that although Erika's dad believed his daughter to be to blame for everything that had happened, Erika's mother was adamant that Jenny should be held accountable for her own actions and also for her daughter's not so stable state of mind. For the sake of his friendship with Jenny's dad and also his not so stable marriage, her Godfather Stellan had decided to keep silent on the subject. Much to both of their dismays. Which of course was ridiculous.

Her father still hadn't returned from the office yet. He was trying to get as much work done as possible so that he didn't fall too far behind over the next few days, as he'd be off work and helping with funeral preparations. He'd said to go on ahead without them but her mother had insisted they wait, so Jenny made her way down to the kitchen. She'd decided that to get through the night she was going to need a drink. Her mother was waiting for her, perched delicately on a stool in the kitchen, two glasses of presecco in her hands. She held one out to her only daughter and smiled sadly.

"You look beautiful darling."

Jenny smiled awkwardly and adjusted her dress a little before taking the glass from her mother. "Thanks mum." She sipped at the dry, sparkling wine and tried to calm herself.

The two Hartman women stood in silence for some time, the tension in the room growing heavier. Jenny could feel that her mother wanted, needed desperately to say something. And she knew exactly what it was about.

"So how's Emma?" That wasn't what Jenny expect but she nodded politely. If her mother could avoid the elephant in the room then so could she.

"Well, thanks."

"Was she alright with you having to leave so abruptly?"

"She didn't like it, but she understands."

"Of course she does. She's a lovely girl. Your father and I are very fond of her you know? Even though she's…" Jenny's anger flared.

"Poor? Female?" She sent her mother a challenging look.

"I was actually going to say a nervous wreck. You don't need to be so defensive with me Jennifer. I've only ever been supportive of you. If Emma makes you happy darling, I'll beat anyone half to death with my stiletto heel that tries to come between you and that happiness. Including you know who." _Here we go_. Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Her father's just died mum."

"Which is awful but it doesn't mean she's forgiven."

"Of course it doesn't but it also doesn't mean we can carry on the way we have been. We're family"

"She is _not_family. If she dares to as much as look at you - "

"Mum, she'll look at me. You can't stop her. We're having dinner at _her_house – something which you agreed to by the way." Jenny could understand her mother's anger at Erika but not her blatant disregard for her loss.

Her mother sniffed. "Only for Antonella's sake. She shouldn't have to host all those people herself, the least we can do is lend a hand."

"She shouldn't have to host all those people full stop. Her husband's just died, why the fuck does she have to throw some kind of morbid party?" Jenny had never understood why as soon as one her father's business associates passed the first item on the table was where the money goes.

"Jennifer, language," her mother scolded. "And it's not a party. It's a dinner for close family and friends. We need to discuss preparations."

Jenny didn't like this one bit. Erika and her Godmother, Anotnella, had just experienced a huge, devastating loss and surely something like this was just undue stress. And Erika didn't deal with stress well at the best of times. "This all seems awfully soon mother."

"Don't 'mother' me Jennifer."

"Don't 'Jennifer' me mother"

"Ladies!" Jenny's father came through the kitchen door, arms wide to greet his daughter. "Jenny, darling." He gathered her in his arms tightly. Jenny buried her face in his shoulder and took in his scent. It had always been a comfort for her and almost immediately she felt her frustration levels starting to dissipate. He pulled back and took in the sight of her. He smiled proudly. "You look stunning. Erika will rue the day she ever left you in a hospital bed."

"Kristian!" Her mother looked absolutely flabbergasted.

"Elizabeth!" He threw back with a smile. He turned to Jenny. "Too soon?" She couldn't help but smirk.

Jenny placed a hand on her father's shoulder. "Dad, you look tired."

He nodded, a sad smile and his shoulders dropped. Now Jenny saw the man she'd heard on the phone hours earlier. His eyes were heavy and bloodshot. She was almost certain he'd been crying in the car outside. "I certainly am."

The ride to Erika's was short. Her father arranged with Kenneth to return home and pick them up at an arranged time. Jenny walked up the familiar gravel path, a few paces behind her mother and father. She let her hands graze the hedges on either side of her. The water that had gathered in the leaves from the earlier rain peppered her fingers as her heart beat painfully in her chest. Jenny was scared. Scared for what she'd say, scared for what her parent's might say. And considering the current circumstances, the dinner could get messy quick. Everyone was mourning, everyone was volatile and the two are never a good combination.

Jenny's father rung the doorbell and they all waited politely on the doorstep in an uncomfortable silence. She was surprised to feel her parents slip their hands into each of hers. Both squeezed reassuringly.

"If at any time you want to leave Jenny, all you need to do it say and I'll call Ken early alright?" Jenny nodded her thanks to her father just as the door swung open in front of them.

Antonella stood before them. She looked older than Jenny remembered. She wore dark circles under her eyes and her staple dark chocolate hair had been painted with flecks of grey. She smiled, almost relieved upon finding the Hartmans on her doorstep. "Kristian, Liza," she held out her arms to them, and smiled, lips trembling. Jenny's parents gathered the woman before them in their arms. She heard them pay muffled sympathies as they held her Godmother tight. Eventually they drew back and Nella cast her eyes on Jenny and smiled sadly. Jenny was apprehensive. Of course she knew her Godmother blamed her at least in some part for what happened last year. She also knew that she believed Jenny to be the reason for her own daughter's instability. But to Jenny's surprise her older women took Jenny into her arms. "Jenny Hartman, you're a sight for sore eyes." She felt smaller, frailer than she had last time they'd embraced. Jenny wondered what had happened in the last twelve months that could have taken such a toll on the typically fierce woman.

Nella pulled back and gave Jenny a quick kiss on either cheek. "Welcome home." She said, earnestly, some warmth returning to her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Nella, I- "

"Jenny my love, it is greatly appreciated but no more apologies; especially from you. We've all lost someone today. Come in, come in. We're just about to start serving."

Antonella led the Hartmans through the reception room and into the dining room. Jenny felt as if she was being overwhelmed by nostalgia. It had only been a year but so many memories that had some how buried themselves deep in the recesses of Jenny's mind were making their way to the surface. Small, seemingly insignificant memories. Performing a cleverly devised Beauty and the Beast medley with Erika for Stellan and Nella in the living room, watching the Eurovision Song Contest on their new flat screen television, spending lazy days in the garden in the summer, making lemonade and taking fanciful trips down to the river to get a sneaky Cream Tea. _God, I even lost my virginity in this house._ Jenny shook the thought from her head as quickly as it came upon entering the dining room. Thinking about sex with Erika was not a good idea when… _Fuck, there she is. _

Several gentleman from around the table, that Jenny assumed were Stellan's business friends, rose to meet her family. Hand shakes and stiff, sombre hugs all round. Jenny nodded and smiled politely and pulled at her dress slightly. She could feel eyes on her but they weren't Erika's. When she looked up she saw her father gesturing for her to take a seat, so she complied. She was sat next to her mother and father and just opposite her Godmother. Erika looked to have been relegated to the end of the table where she sat in silence, her eyes intently following some unseen thing outside, through the window.

With her gaze averted Jenny took the time to really look at her ex. Her ex-girlfriend, her ex-best friend, her ex-sister. So many ties had been broken last summer, yet there she was. Still as sullen as usual, her mop of brown hair obscuring her eyes slightly. Jenny noted that Erika had made no effort to dress for the occasion, although Jenny couldn't blame her. She could feel frustration coming off Erika in waves. This was never Erika's kind of thing. Where Jenny would put on the dress and smile to appease her father Erika would put on some tapered trousers, espadrilles and a shirt and speak in socialist riddles to her father's business partners. Strangely however, they used to find Erika just as charming as Jenny, which frustrated the girl even more.

Erika must have felt Jenny's eyes upon her as she turned her gaze to Jenny. Jenny was caught. Caught looking and it was an invitation, however unintentional. The conversation had picked up without either girl's contribution and their exchange of looks went un-noticed, even by Jenny's mother.

Jenny practically jumped out of her skin as her starter was placed in front of her. She looked back to find Erika's gaze had shifted back to the window as she moved around the food that was on her plate without eating it. _She's lost weight,_Jenny noted.

She thought of Emma and how much she longed for her to be with her at that very moment. Jenny felt completely and utterly out of her depth. Usually she could handle social situations such as this but everything had been such a shock to her system. She needed Emma to be sat next to her, gripping her hand fiercely, instilling her with the strength to get by. She needed Emma to be in her bed so she could find the sleep she knew she'd never manage to find alone. Jenny sighed and mimicked the movements of her ex-girlfriend and moved the food around on her plate. She'd lost her appetite. Come to think of it, she'd not had one in the first place. Jenny reached for her wine glass and put more wine into that empty stomach of hers. She noticed her mother was doing the same and she wasn't at all surprised.

The conversation never moved away from funeral preparation and probate, how much value the shares in the company had lost and how quickly that value could be restored and how; so Jenny sat in silence as each course came and went. Every now and then she'd glance over to the far end of the table or think of Emma to keep her spirits high. She knew it would have been stupid to bring her but Jenny still regretted not asking her father to book an extra ticket on the plane from Cologne.

Jenny discretely fumbled for her phone in her clutch bag. When she found it she hastily typed the words, 'I miss you,' and pressed send and waited. She needed something, anything. She just hoped her girlfriend had her phone on her.

Just as the coffees were being served she felt her phone that she'd been gripping tightly in her hand buzz. Jenny's heart soared. She couldn't open the message quick enough. The message read 'I miss you too. Call me when you can? I didn't get to tell you how much I love you before.' Jenny smiled unabashedly to herself. She didn't care if the people around the table noticed. They hadn't taken any notice of her up until now so they could go suck it for all Jenny cared. She was a Hartman after all.

"Apologies," one of gentlemen sat next to Jenny's Godmother got to his feet, "But I'm afraid I have to take my leave. I have a plane to catch," he smiled. Nella rose too and they kissed cheek to cheek, politely.

"Thanks for getting here on such short notice Duncan." The brunette smiled sadly.

"Absolutely no problem," the tall man assured her. He turned to Erika now "And Erika my dear, if there's anything I can do for you, just let me know wont you?"

Erika looked up from where she'd been stirring her coffee absent-mindedly. Her vacant face suddenly shifted to a well practiced smile.

"Of course. Thank you Duncan." There was a round of goodbyes as Erika went back to her coffee. Jenny watched as anger flared in Erika's eyes. She could see her trying desperately to bite down on it but Jenny knew Erika more than well enough to know that it would be in vain. Her curiosity was piqued. Duncan gathered his things and was almost out of the room when Erika opened her mouth to speak. Jenny braced herself.

"Actually Duncan. There is one thing, now I come to think of it." Her voice had changed. It was no longer laced with a rehearsed graciousness but with youthful insincerity. The tall, dark haired man turned back, obviously not catching Erika's tone. He smiled warmly. "Don't ever look at my mother the way you've been looking at her over dinner tonight again."

Duncan's chin hit the floor.

Chaos ensued.

Kenneth got a quick call from her father and came quickly to extract the Hartmans from the chaos. They sat in silence until Jenny's father started to chuckle next to her. "I've never seen a man with so much fake tan pale as quickly as Duncan did tonight." Her mother slapped his arm but couldn't keep the smirk from her face.

"He's always wanted her you know?"

Kristian nodded. "For a very long time." They fell into silence again.

Jenny felt her clutch buzz and thoughts of Emma flashed through her mind. She retrieved her phone with excitement and opened the message. 'Thank your parents for coming for me. It's done my mother the world of good having the support of genuine friends. You looked beautiful tonight.' Jenny swallowed and felt heat rising in her cheeks. She snapped her phone shut and didn't look at it again until she called Emma when she was out of her dress and safely in her room at home.

Jenny had recounted the evening to her, minus a few small details. She told Emma she was doing fine and that since they were unsure on the cause of death a post-mortem would have to take place, pushing the funeral back to the beginning of the next week.

"Did you see her?" Emma asked, cautiously.

"She was there, yeah," Jenny confirmed, non-committal.

"You can tell me, you know? Whatever's hurting. I'm your girlfriend and I'm supposed to be there to support you." Emma sighed loudly down the phone. Her voice softened. "I just don't like the idea of you dealing with everything by yourself. You'd never let me do that. You're always there for me."

"You're not letting me do anything. I'm asking you to just … I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. You sound angry."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Because you're not telling me anything Jenny. You had to leave, I know. That's fine. But you go and I get calls from you and you've been crying and if you don't tell me what's going on of course I'm going to worry. Of course I'm going to want to come straight over and find out what's happening because I can't stand to think of you over there, alone and hurting."

"I know," Jenny said after a moment's silence. "I'm sorry, it's just…Erika, that's her name. My ex. She did something that I'm still not really over I guess? The reason she did what she did in the first place was because she was struggling with things. And now with her father's death, I don't know, she seems even more withdrawn. She just lives surrounded by psychiatrists and businessmen. So it's hard because she obviously sees me as the only person she can reach out to but I'm not ready for that… does that make any sense?"

"Vague but yeah. That makes sense. " Jenny smiled as she could hear the warmth in Emma's voice. "Do you want to be ready?"

"I can't forget what she did. But I want to help her." The brunette could practically hear her girlfriend's brain processing this information from across the channel.

"Okay. Then I think you should. If you can do it without getting hurt again." Jenny felt tears gathering in her eyes at Emma's selflessness.

"I love you, you know that right?" Jenny heard Emma smile down the phone in response and couldn't help but grin in return.

"Yeah, I know," said the blonde. "I love you too."

Jenny never got tired of hearing those words. She closed her eyes and could almost feels Emma's presence next to her. She'd wanted Emma to see her that night - dress, jewellery and heels. She had wanted Emma to be the one to tell her she looked beautiful. She had wanted to come home that night and have each of them removed, one by one by her Emma. She thought for a moment. Thinking very carefully about what she was just about to say. It was an awful idea and Jenny knew that but she asked anyway. "Can you come here?"

"What?" came the confused response.

"If I got my dad to book you a flight, could you come tomorrow?" She asked.

Emma laughed with delight. "Try and stop me."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Thank you for all your lovely comments. I love 'em so keep 'em coming. Thanks to my lovely betas **hollie_1201** , **sones502** and **dani87leah****. **

**AKA - Mind fuck...**

Emma hardly slept that night. She'd tossed and turned as the thought of hopping on a plane in the morning and jetting off to see Jenny was more than enough to keep her awake, not to mention also receiving an almost lethal dose of Ben's obscure mix of sugar and caffeine.

The blonde couldn't believe she'd only just said goodbye to her girlfriend that morning. With all the stress and worry she had felt that day, it had seemed like Jenny had already been missing from her life for weeks. The only part of her day that had passed at an anywhere near normal rate had been the time spent with Ben. Emma smiled to herself a little in the darkness. Ben had promised to show her every Leslie Nielsen film in his collection, which was apparently quite extensive. She was most definitely looking forward to that. Emma seriously hoped Jenny too had a soft spot for 80's US Comedy otherwise she'd quickly be losing her girlfriend to the late, great Leslie.

Emma had already packed for London. Well, that was a lie. She'd packed, then unpacked, seriously reconsidered every item she was taking, took a few things out, put a few things in, sat and pondered over the practicality of needing thermals in July, worried endlessly about liquids exploding in her bag onto her favourite shirt although she was sure Jenny wouldn't consider that too much of a catastrophe, and finally came to the decision that all she needed to really bring was herself, her iPod, a good book and some clothes knowing her girlfriend would supply the rest. What Emma really wanted to do right at that very moment however was to go out and buy a brand new wardrobe and if she'd had the money, she seriously would have. She was worried. Worried about not fitting in, worried about not being welcome. Most of all she was worried that she'd embarrass her girlfriend. She knew what social circles the Hartmann's ran in, she knew about the money they had and she knew that if Emma Muller wasn't involved with their daughter the Hartmann's wouldn't have given her a second thought.

That's not to say that the Hartmann's didn't like Emma, although she had always found that hard to believe. But they would have never taken the time to know her if it hadn't been for Jenny, why else would they need to? Which is what worried Emma the most. Who else was she going to meet there? Jenny's family and friends? Who's to say they would be the slightest bit interested in knowing her. All they would have to do is look at her and know she wasn't really one of them, they'd assume she was just tagging along for the ride. A nuisance, an outsider and what's worse – a poor outsider. Someone without the social airs and graces that her girlfriend was bestowed with early on in life. Emma could speak English quite well, she was fairly confident in that but she knew that English in actual conversation was far removed from the English she'd been taught in school. She only had to watch that rather boisterous British Teen Drama to know that. Although Emma had a sneaking suspicion the Hartmann's weren't exactly the blue-collar drama type.

There were too many things to worry about to even consider sleeping. She needed something, someone to snap her out of it but it was well into the early hours of the morning and Emma knew that phoning Luzi or Ben would just end with her getting an earful down the phone. Plus it wasn't fair to offload all her insecurities and irrationalities onto them. Funny thing about irrationalities; you know how mad you're being but you just can't help but worry. That's why they're so irrational.

Emma grabbed her second pillow, buried her face in the top of it and hugged it. She'd love to be able to say it smelt like Jenny but Jenny had never been in her bed, never been in her house. Emma thought it was strange how worried she was over flying to England and meeting Jenny's parents for the second time when Jenny hadn't even set foot inside Emma's house. Emma was pretty sure that if she mentioned Jenny's name to her father the only response she would get would be 'Jenny who?' Emma just wanted to scream into the pillow, let everything out, but she couldn't in fear of waking her family.

Again Emma felt a familiar pang in her chest. She missed Hotte. She missed his smile and his jokes; his awful, awful jokes. She needed him, really needed him, but he wasn't there. He couldn't be there. He was over 5000 miles away in Las Vegas, training to be an illusionist. Emma rolled over to check the display on her digital clock, 02:44. That would make it almost 6pm on the West Coast of America. He hadn't called her in over a week, probably too preoccupied with his new girlfriend. She was Portuguese, and a contortionist. Emma had heard she was quite limber, in quite a lot of detail actually. He always called her, that's how it went. His schedule was busy and it was easier that way but Emma needed her freaky friend on the phone that very instant so she threw her duvet off and scampered downstairs to grab the home phone. Calling from her mobile would be far too expensive and she and Hotte had set up an international calls account between the two of them.

Emma dialled the number and followed the instructions on the other end. Soon enough the phone was ringing and she snuck back up to her room, tip toeing, careful not to wake anyone. She settled back down onto her bed and pulled the covers around her. No answer. She pulled her knees up and tucked them under her chin. Still no answer. She picked at the stitching on her quilt. Still,_no answer_. She was about to give up when a slightly breathless but distinct voice came from the other end of the line.

"Dennis Horstfield speaking," Emma smiled at the sound of his voice and immediately took comfort in it.

"Hotte?"

"Emma?"

"You alright? You sound… out of breath?"

"I er, was running for the phone. I left it in the other room." Emma chuckled to herself a little. He was probably telling her the truth, he was never very good at lying and Emma liked to think that even from half way around the world she could tell if her best friend was fibbing.

At the sound of her laughter he breathed, exasperatedly. "Seriously Emma, it's not even 6pm. The life of a practicing illusionist isn't that exciting."

She laughed, "Okay, okay, I'll believe you - this time. But what do you expect me to think when you tell me such stories?"

"That I am a gentleman and a scholar?" They both chuckled at this. The idea of Hotte being either a gentleman or a scholar was, well, laughable. Unless you could be a scholar of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis. Actually, Emma supposed you could, but she doubted Hotte was one of them. "So, what have I done to deserve such a wonderfully unexpected phone call?"

"You? You've done nothing as usual," Emma teased, "I just, I can't sleep and I just needed to hear your voice?"

"Really?" He asked, slightly taken aback by Emma's unabashed honesty.

"Yes and I'm flying to London tomorrow," Emma explained.

"Argh! That's so cool," Hotte practically squeeled down the phone. "Now, you have to check out this building for me. Ed and I have been arguing for days. I've been telling him MI:7 have a building right under the noses of the Russian Embassy in Hyde Park-"

Emma shook her head, a perplexed grin played on her features. "MI:7 doesn't exist Hotte-"

"And he's been telling me MI:7 doesn't exist! Can you imagine? That's like saying the moon landings weren't faked. Apparently you'd never know it from the outside unless you know what you're looking for. Fortunately for you, I do. There are three main distinguishing factors which you need to look out for, and five more subtle ones. The first thing you want to look for are the windows. There are seven of them, of course, and they're tainted black. In the middle there's …." Emma began to phase Hotte out. Just the sound of his voice was enough to sooth Emma, as weird as that sounded. She laughed at his craziness and found herself relaxing into the warmth of his voice and the warmth of her bed. This was what best friends were for. When Hotte was in Cologne Emma often took her best friend for granted but since his absence Emma had promised herself that she'd never, ever do that again.

After a good half an hour of talking Emma began to fade so the two friends said their goodbyes, again promised to see each other as soon as their wallets would allow them and hung up. Emma's eyes closed. And she was asleep.

Jenny gripped the sheets, trying desperately to get some purchase, her knuckles turning white. Sensations ran, searing hot, from the base of her spine to the tips of her toes causing her back to arch and hips to buck with a life of their own. Her eyes rolled back into her head as she sent her fingers to lace through the soft hair of the blonde working mercilessly between her legs, willing her on.

Her girlfriend's name was on the tip of her tongue but Jenny was too far-gone for words. Soft touches turned rough as hands gripped at hips, and fingers dug into bone, pulling her closer to the blonde's eager mouth. Jenny's breath grew short and the heat in her stomach began to burn uncontrollably, her assailant's tongue nipping and biting at her clit, tasting her inside and out.

Soon all the brunette could hear was her heart pumping chaotically in her chest with the upmost clarity, drowning out any other noise. She could no longer hear the throaty moans that escaped her lips as her hands travelled to her girlfriend's shoulders, nails breaking the soft skin there, urging her onwards, silently begging her not to stop.

Jenny was close now. The heat in her stomach tightened and her attachment to any of her senses apart from one ceased as a light exploded behind her eyes, sending pulses of ecstasy through her entire body. Her hips twitched as aftershocks shook her from head to toe. Jenny smiled lazily, opening her blue eyes, her breathing slowly returning to normal - however ragged it may still have been.

She pulled at her girlfriend's hair, dragging her up to meet her lips. She was met with desperate kisses. Tasting herself on the blonde's lips, she smiled devilishly into the embrace. "God, I've missed you," her girlfriend murmured, practically drinking Jenny in. Her smell, the taste of her lips, the taste of her sweat stained skin.

"I've missed you too," Jenny answered breathlessly. "I've missed you too." She opened her eyes once more. Bright azure orbs met another set, as dark, deep and as blue as the ocean between her and Cologne, brown hair was tangled amongst her fingers. _Erika!_

Jenny woke with a start, bolting upwards. Breathlessly she drew her knees up and rested her head on them as she wiped a layer of cold sweat from her brow. _What the fuck? _ Her bed sheets were tangled and creased. She could feel a dampness on them from her cold sweat. _Fuck_. She looked at her clock, trying to shake the images of Erika out of her mind as her stomach churned with instant regret. It was early, although the sun must have been up for at least an hour by then. Emma would be boarding her 08:10 flight, Jenny was one hour behind. She needed to cool down and get her head straight._ It was only a dream, it meant nothing_, she repeated over and over again to herself. She was just a little sexually frustrated, she wanted Emma. Seeing Erika again after so long had irked her, that was all._ It was only a dream._ Emma would be in the country in the next few hours, she wouldn't need to worry about Erika any longer. She was being ridiculous. _It was only a dream._ She wanted it to be Emma, when she was dreaming she _wanted_ it to be Emma. Emma lips, her soft touches, it was all Emma. –_ It was only a dream. _

TBC

**lol. Don't kill me. Please.**


	7. Chapter 7

****Disclaimer**: I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things**

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the lack of a particular character in this chapter. I promised but didn't deliver. It just kind of felt right to end it here. Although next chapter is pure Jemma fluff. Thank you for all your comments, more are indeed welcome. Many thanks to my lovely betas Sones and Spoony.

Jenny let her legs dangle over the side of the wall that she was sat upon. Water flowed languidly below her feet as she gazed out across the river. She watched as commuters bustled into small offices above small business. The clock tower across the water hadn't struck 8 yet but London never really slept, even this far from its heart. After her rather unsettling dream Jenny had decided she needed some air and some peace and quiet, which was something that, ironically, she wasn't getting when she was asleep. She had needed to get away from her house; from its walls which seemed to resonate with an energy that had Jenny irked.

Jenny should have found being at home comforting but she was quickly finding that being at home came with too many memories and far too many expectations. She was expected to smile when she wanted to grieve, socialise when she wanted to be alone, and move on when she wanted to stay exactly where she was thank you very much.

But in a few hours time, Emma would be with her. She'd have someone she didn't have to smile for, someone who'd understand why and not judge her for it, someone to accept her silence when she needed it, someone to hold her without the expectation of reciprocation. Jenny knew that the love of a parent was supposedly unconditional, but she couldn't help feeling it came with a price. Emma loved Jenny and, in return, she'd never ask for anything that she knew Jenny couldn't give.

Wind blustered around her and Jenny closed her eyes, her body relaxing, allowing the wind to take with it her trepidation, her anxiety. The brunette let her head loll back as she opened her eyes narrowly, gazing into the hazy British summer sky. This close to Heathrow Airport, Jenny could read the insignias on the planes' tails. She squinted even more and managed to make out a Turkish Airlines plane heading out towards the Channel, most likely whisking holiday makers away to Istanbul or the Bodrum Peninsula. _Lucky them_, Jenny thought, _anywhere but here_.

It was then Jenny decided that, once this ordeal was over, she was going to take Emma away. Not to a spa or a cabin in the countryside but on an actual holiday. Somewhere hot. Somewhere where no one could bother them. Sun, sea and sex. That's what they needed. That's most definitely what they needed. Jenny smiled at the thought. If her and her girlfriend hadn't taken their relationship to the next step by then, well she couldn't think of a more perfect time. Apart from right that second, of course.

The brunette closed her eyes again and breathed deeply. She thought of Emma and how tempted she'd be to ravish her when she saw her at the airport later that morning. Jenny smiled at herself a little. Sometimes, just sometimes, she found it very hard to control herself around her girlfriend. Ever since coming to Cologne she'd worked hard on her self-control. She promised herself she'd never lose her grip again, but around Emma, she always found her resolve crumbling. Like when Jenny had entered the radio competition, punishing Luzi for a mistake Emma had made, or when she'd sabotaged the alarm at Saal 1, or even their first kiss. Jenny was giddy just thinking about it. Emma simply did something to her. Something good.

With her eyes closed, Jenny caught the smell of bacon on the breeze, most likely coming from one of the many cafes across the water. She hoped to high heaven that what she smelt was coming from Boho. She hadn't been in Kingston for a year and from what her Mother had been telling her many of the small business had closed or had to go under new management, even with the new legislation put in place to protect them. Boho had been one of her and Erika's regular haunts. It was great for breakfast after a night out, a cool drink on a rare sunny day or for a hot coffee on a rainy shopping trip. The seats couldn't have been more comfortable and they never, ever burned their coffee.

As the bell tolled for half past eight Jenny found she couldn't fight the urge anymore and crossed one of the many bridges to make her way into the main part of town. She hadn't wandered the streets of Kingston for too long. Shops were opening, commuters bustled along the pavements on foot, or snaked through the traffic in the streets on bikes. Her route deliberately took her through the park, so she could remind herself of the flowers and the architecture which made the Kingston post-code one of the most desirable in London. Making her way through town and to the river's edge, Jenny found Boho still alive and quietly doing business. She inhaled deeply, bacon and coffee. Perfect after a bad night's sleep or, well, no night's sleep when you've been on a bender. Not that she and Erika made it a habit… who was she kidding? They were here more mornings than they were at home in the months just before she left for Cologne.

Jenny found a seat outside on one of the tables and looked over the menu quickly before ordering a full English and a black Americano. The sun peeked through the clouds every so often and Jenny smiled, basking in its rays. Being in London you really did have to make the most of the sun. Jenny also wanted to be outside for another reason. She wanted to see Emma's plane come in, wanted to know when she was in the country, wanted to know the moment the plane set down so she could call Kenneth and have him drive her to Heathrow.

So Jenny sat and watched the skies as her breakfast came and went. She ordered a second coffee and a glass of water and flicked through the paper which had been provided for her table. Jenny found a pen and she began to fill out a crossword, eyes going to the sky whenever she heard a plane pass overhead. Empty white boxes gradually filled up with untidy letters and soon it was almost 9am. Jenny glanced upwards, the sky was cloudier now. She cast her eyes back down to 19 across, 6 letters. Jenny's brow furrowed. "Able to move or bend freely; agile," she mumbled, ponderously.

"Limber?" Came a familiar voice from behind her, making Jenny jump. She turned to find a skinny, pale, shirt-clad girl before her. Raybans covered her dark blue, and most likely dark-circled eyes, a mop of messy brown hair sat roughly atop her head. Skinny black slacks were finished off with a pair of well-loved loafers and a cigarette was tucked audaciously tucked behind her ear. Erika didn't smoke often but when she did she'd go through well over a pack a day. Her father had just died; Jenny supposed she was allowed the indiscretion – for now.

Jenny swallowed. _This is it_. She couldn't put a tenner on the table and run, well she could but she wasn't used to running from situations and this would have been extreme even for Emma.

First Jenny decided to deal with her immediate problem. "Take your glasses off." She wasn't asking. Jenny couldn't have her first conversation with Erika since the incident all the while not being able to look her in the eye. She couldn't let Erika have that power over her, she didn't deserve it, and neither did Jenny. Erika hesitantly did as she was asked. Removing the sunglasses she hooked them into the collar of her shirt. Her eyes were indeed dark, but not as dark as Jenny had remembered. Instead they were red rimmed and glistening slightly in the morning sun. Erika sniffed a little. She'd be crying, maybe not too long ago. Jenny felt a pang of sympathy and a little guilt for perhaps being a little too harsh with her ex. She frowned with concern. "Have you been out all night?"

Erika shrugged. "Kind of. Not out out, just around." Jenny nodded. She felt awkward. Was she supposed to ask her how she'd been? Had she managed to stay clean or make new friends? Was she seeing anyone? Not that Jenny cared, no way whatsoever did she care. The idea that Erika might have managed to find a piece of happiness whilst Jenny had been gone even warmed her a little.

Jenny must have looked confused so Erika explained. "Mum was screaming at me last night after you left. I just took off. Kind of hung around down by the river. It was warm enough to sleep out."

"Yeah," she blinked, remembering dark, sea blue eyes staring back at hers, much closer than they were now. _Think unsexy thoughts think unsexy thoughts think unsexy thoughts!_ Jenny nodded again, desperately trying to keep her cool all of a sudden. "It was pretty hot." _This is awkward_. Here before her stood her best friend from her entire teenage years and all they could manage was small talk. They were practically sisters and Jenny had no idea what to say. It was like having so much stuff you want to buy and when you finally get into that shop you forget everything you've ever wanted. Erika was that band she just couldn't remember the name of. The thought helped calm her and Jenny swallowed once more. "Were you getting breakfast?"

Erika sniffed a little in hesitation. She was nervous. She knew if she said yes then Jenny would be obligated to ask Erika to join her but she also knew that Jenny already knew the answer. "Yep, I'm here most days now. Family breakfasts are dull affairs, and that's if they happen at all," she smiled lopsidedly now. Jenny hadn't heard it last night at the dinner table, she supposed Erika was in socialite mode up until a point, but now her familiar mixture of accents was clear. Three counties English peppered with one or two faint Swedish or Italian pronunciations that she gained from her parents. Erika had always sounded like she'd come from one of those English International Schools that you'd find abroad where all the rich kids of foreign businessmen studied. Of course Erika wasn't one of those kids, she'd lived in the Greater London area all her life. It was Jenny who had been International School hopping, country to country, school to school.

Jenny tried to smile sympathetically, although she was sure it came out more pained than empathetic. "I know how that can be. Do you want to sit?" she asked, hesitantly.

It was Erika's turn to hesitate now, but only for a split second. She smiled coolly and took a seat. She nodded her thanks and Jenny was immediately reminded of Ben Bergmann, the dark hair, understated coolness, the general apathetic demeanour. _This might explain a lot_, Jenny thought but regretted it instantly as a blush began to creep onto her cheeks. Jenny never blushed, she never hesitated and she never compromised. She needed to cut this out now otherwise she'd lose this battle before it had already begun.

She heard a plane over-head and whipped around hoping to be greeted by the Blue and Gold of Lufthansa, but was disappointed to find Virgin colours adorning its tail. What Jenny would give for an out right now. She looked back to Erika who looked mighty confused.

"I'm plane watching," Jenny blurted. Erika raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"Plane watching?" She grinned now and leaned forward conspiratorially. "Where's my Jenny and what have you done with her?"

"What have I done with her? It was you who lost her when you left her at that hospital." Jenny said coolly. Erika visibly flinched and Jenny took satisfaction from that. At least she knew the 'monster' she'd created was capable of regret.

Erika drew back and motioned to the waitress that she wanted her regular. "Fine. Are we going to talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about. Not that I can see anyway." Erika laughed; Jenny sensed a little bitterness there. Both sat quietly for a moment. The short-haired girl took her cigarette from behind her ear and began to light up.

"Can you not?" Erika's eyes met Jenny's.

"You're a non-smoker now? Wow, you really have turned your life around." Jenny stayed silent. "All thanks to me I suppose. You should be grateful-" Jenny snapped.

"Grateful for what? Hmm?" Jenny gave Erika a stern, challenging look. Her blush of embarrassment had turned to one of anger. Her heart beat a little faster in her chest with a year's worth of frustration boiling over in her brain. Erika simply shrugged and continued to light her cigarette so Jenny decided she was perfectly justified to continue her rant. "Grateful for putting me in hospital or grateful for leaving me there? Grateful for giving me dirty drugs. Grateful for getting me uprooted and shipped off from the only place I've been able to call home since that laughable career I had?

"Don't forget who started all this Jenny, it was yo-"

"I started it but at least I took responsibility for it." Jenny spoke heatedly through gritted teeth, trying her hardest not to create a scene in the quiet café. "You loved me but you let me take the bullet. That's not the kind of love I want in my life."

"I-" Erika started.

"No Erika, stop just stop." Jenny waved her hands in the air. She sighed resolutely and smiled. "You know what? I am grateful. I moved to Cologne. I found freedom. Freedom from alcohol, cigarettes, drugs. Freedom from overbearing parents, freedom from the phantom of a long dead, idiotic career. Freedom from you."

Jenny had gone too far, she knew that because Erika shut down. She didn't flinch this time; she didn't smirk or even blink. She just went blank, her stormy blue eyes hollow. Jenny's words had been unfair, even if there was some truth in them. For a long time Erika and Jenny had been perfect for each other but in their last six months together they started doing more damage to each other than they were doing good. That didn't mean Erika had loved her less. But still, Erika needed to know where she stood, and by her reaction, Jenny knew she had been well informed. Of course that didn't mean she'd give up on Jenny, if anything, it meant she'd try harder.

Jenny heard another plane overhead. She cast her eyes up and saw the familiar blue and gold of Lufthansa. Jenny felt calm again; safe knowing her Emma had arrived. Her Emma in shining armour –_ just in time_.

Jenny gathered her things and rose abruptly to leave. Erika seemed taken aback. Surely she couldn't think this conversation was anything else but over?

She stopped and pointed to the plane. "See that plane?" She asked. Erika nodded, confused. "My girlfriend's on that plane." She said with satisfaction. Leaning down she gave her ex a quick kiss on the top of her head and whispered. "I really am grateful you know?"

She stalked away from Erika with her shoulders a little higher, whilst dialling Kenneth's number. In half an hour she'd be back in her girlfriend's arms. She really was grateful.

**TBC.**

**Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except my brain, thanks!

**Authors Note:** Sorry this took so long. Been in a funk. Hopefully you'll enjoy this one more. Emma has landed. Thanks goes to my amazing betas Sones and MBJ. And thanks for all your lovely comments, I'll try and reply to some more this time now LJ is back up and running. Hope you enjoy!

Emma couldn't have been happier to step off the plane and set foot once again on solid ground. The blonde had flown only a few times before hand, but she'd known from those rather harrowing experiences that flying did not exactly agree with her. Fortunately her hour and a half hop across the channel had been rather uneventful, although that didn't qualify the experience as a pleasant one. What did, and what previous plane journeys had been missing however, were thoughts of Jenny. 

When Emma and Jenny's romance was new, all Emma ever wanted to think about were Jenny's smiles or dimples, her eyes or her lips – kissing those lips. But whenever Emma found herself getting lost in thoughts of Jenny recently her mind started to drift towards other things. Different things; things that she would never dream of speaking in public. She'd close her eyes and see the curve of Jenny's hips, or the swell of her breast. Saw herself inching her fingers under the hem of her shirt and lifting it slowly, tentatively over her head. Emma often caught herself wondering if Jenny was wearing matching knickers when she caught a glimpse of a stray bra strap, or whether Jenny would mind it if Emma decided to undress her and study every freckle on her body. 

Of course, Emma thought about sex with Jenny. She thought about the perfect place, the perfect time. She'd thought about everything, so much so that the desire to want it to be absolutely perfect often overrode the need for it to actually happen. She wanted it to be romantic, but she didn't think she had the means. She wanted it to be good for Jenny, but she didn't think she had the experience. She wanted to be able to relax and enjoy it, but she didn't think she had the confidence. 

She knew Jenny loved her, she knew she had no reason not to trust her but she still couldn't help freaking out at the idea of being completely stripped bare in front of someone, even someone she loved and trusted as much as Jenny. It wasn't about losing your virginity to someone special, Emma was passed that now. She'd known for a long time Jenny was the one. It was simply making yourself completely vulnerable to someone, whether it be your first or your fiftieth time. And with this coupled with the knowledge of who Jenny was and where she came from, Emma was worried she wouldn't be up to scratch, and her unrelenting fear of that was stopping her from proving herself wrong, and was also stopping her from taking what she wanted, no matter how much she wanted it.

Emma smiled her way through passport control and turned her phone back on. She hoped to God her parents hadn't tried calling her whilst she was in the air. She'd told them she was staying at Luzi's all this week - they had a big project on and wanted to get as much work done on it as possible. Luzi had promised to cover for her as much as she could and Emma had promised her parents she'd keep them updated every night after school. Hopefully they wouldn't realise the incoming call was incoming all the way from the UK. Being the technophobes they were, Emma highly doubted they would.

Whilst waiting for her luggage to arrive, Emma sent Jenny a quick text to let her know she'd set foot on British soil, although she had a sneaking suspicion her girlfriend would already be somewhere in arrivals, waiting. She hoped so anyway._ It's only been a day, _Emma kept telling herself, _only a day. Don't get too carried away._

Upon spotting her bag and yanking it off the conveyer, Emma quickly passed through customs and into arrivals. The lobby was flooded with people. Families reuniting, couples hanging onto each other with dear life so as to never be separated again, businessmen meeting colleagues or drivers, tourist meeting guides. The blonde scoured the crowd for her significant other but was struggling to make out anyone's shape or features in the rather overwhelming cacophony of chatter, people and faces.

Emma stumbled on a little, eyes wide, case rolling along behind her until a hand grabbed her and yanked her sideways, pulling her through the crowd and out, through the automatic doors and into the outside world. Before she even had time to react the blonde was caught in a rib-cracking hug. Of course she knew she'd just been accosted by Jenny Hartmann. Emma breathed in deeply, her face buried in her girlfriend's shoulder, taking in her scent. Her hair smelled different, she must have been using a different shampoo at her parent's, but it was still unmistakably infused with Jenny. Emma's nose wrinkled though when she detected a hint of cigarette smoke amongst the strawberry. She felt lips press against the soft skin of her neck and a mumbled "Hey," sent a shiver down her spine.

After a moment or two of simply enjoying the feeling of being in each other's presence again, both girls pulled back. Jenny slid her hands down Emma's arms and took her hands in hers, not wanting to break the newly regained contact. Emma smiled when her hazel eyes met Jenny's blues. "Hey," Emma responded, feeling a blush rising in her cheeks. Why was she blushing? And why were they grinning at each other like idiots? Emma shook her head and Jenny laughed warmly. The blonde suddenly felt self-conscious. She was about to kiss Jenny, her girlfriend, a rather lovely specimen that she'd had the pleasure of kissing in public many times before, at the very public entrance to Terminal 2 - in public, with lots of people toing and froing.

Emma was out of her comfort zone. Of course after coming out at Pestalozzi they had their fair share of snide comments, but after a few weeks of looks and whispers all that had eventually died away and with Jenny beside her she'd felt strong enough to show her affection for her girlfriend just about anywhere in Cologne, let alone the school. But here, in England, this was different. This wasn't her comfort zone, this was new and intimidating. Weren't the English run by a conservative Government? What if they didn't like it when a perfectly normal looking girl kissed another perfectly normal looking girl in public in a more than friendly way? What if such public displays of affection were considered distasteful, what if …

"Emma," The Blonde was jolted out of her downward spiral of despair as Jenny spoke, more insistently this time. "Are you going to kiss me now or am I going to have to force myself upon you?" Emma looked around sheepishly and Jenny rolled her eyes. "Emma, this is Britain. We can kiss in public. We could get married here if we wanted, well, sort of."

Emma blinked. Did Jenny really just say – she swallowed - "Married?" asked Emma, not knowing whether she should be delighted or petrified. They hadn't even had sex yet, let alone talked about marriage. Maybe she'd entertained the idea once or twice. Maybe three times. But Emma certainly hadn't thought that the notion would ever have crossed her girlfriend's mind. They'd not even graduated school!

Jenny smirked, she liked to make her girlfriend squirm, just a little, and she knew just which buttons to press. She nodded, "And adopt," she added, with a squeeze of Emma's hands. The blonde could only raise her eyebrows and let her mouth fall open; words failed her. Feeling ever so slightly remorseful, Jenny decided to put her girlfriend out of her misery. "Hypothetically, of course," she smiled honestly this time. "I've missed you," she offered pulling on her girlfriend's hands, inching her that little bit closer.

Emma felt a blush rise in her cheeks and her heart beat a little faster at the notion. Emma had missed Jenny, boy had she missed Jenny, but she'd had no intention to admit it. This would have been their first extended time apart as a couple and Emma had wanted to prove to Jenny that she could cope when she was away. The blonde smiled shyly, "It's been one day," she said, not meeting Jenny's eyes. 

Jenny pulled her girlfriend even closer, her forehead now resting against Emma's. "You didn't miss me?" Jenny sing-songed. Emma shook her head a little, pursing her lips, and in turn shook Jenny's. 

"Not even a little?" she teased.

Nope," Emma was resisting a smile as Jenny's lips met hers and immediately their hands broke apart; the brunette's suddenly clutching hungrily at the back of Emma's denim jacket, the blonde's getting lost in Jenny's hair. "I missed you," Emma said in-between ragged breaths, inviting her girlfriend's tongue to meet with hers. Emma was quickly discovering of late that when Jenny had her in her grasp she would happily give up anything and everything to her girlfriend, including that admission and probably anything else for that matter. 

The sound of someone clearing their throat to Emma's right caused the blonde extract her hands from Jenny's hair and retreat from her girlfriend's lips with a jolt. A bemused looking gentleman stood before her. He was short and had, well, very little grey hair upon his head. Emma felt the heat rise in her cheeks again. What if he'd been there the entire time? What would he think of them_, lesbians_, in Heathrow! _Kissing_! She knew she had been right to be cautious. Her eyes darted to Jenny in desperation, hoping she'd form a response for the small, well dressed man so she didn't have to, but to Emma's surprise, Jenny looked just as bemused as the balding man in front of them. She frowned a little at the blonde and then smirked in realisation. An explanation was in order.

"Emma," she offered, "This is Ken, my father's driver."

Emma's eyebrows shot up in disbelief. She'd never known anyone personally who had their own driver. Why couldn't they drive themselves? "Driver?" She asked, incredulously; still not sure whether to find comfort in the idea that it was only Jenny's father's driver watching her and her girlfriend make out and not a dishevelled member of the British Public.

"Driver." Ken confirmed with a wink and a nod. Emma felt like she should have been a little freaked out by that wink, but his warm smile matched the get up; the crisp, starched shirt, the bespoke suit, the kind face put her at ease. 

The blonde flapped her hands a little then gave a small wave. "Hi". 

"Miss Muller I presume? May I take your bag?" Before Emma had time to answer, Ken had relieved her of her luggage and placed her bag, with a surprising amount of difficulty, in the boot of the car.

Jenny turned to Emma with a quizzical look, "What the hell did you put in there?" she asked in hushed tones. 

Emma shrugged, genuinely puzzled. "Essentials!" she reasoned through tight lips.

Jenny rolled her eyes and with a shake of her head motioned to where Ken was holding the car door open for Emma. "I'm sure. Now, get in car." 

Jenny had assured Emma that the ride from the airport to her parent's house wouldn't be long. Three quarters of an hour tops, she'd said. And that's if the traffic was bad. But at this point, three quarters of an hour didn't seem long enough. The prospect of seeing Jenny's parents worried her, and slowly but surely all of the previous night's anxieties were finding their way back into Emma's mind. Would she be welcome? Would she fit in? 

The blonde cast her eyes out the tinted window, trying to make out the names of small businesses that they drove passed, trying to distract herself from her own thoughts. Her face must have been one of worry as she felt a comforting hand squeeze her knee gently. "You okay?" her girlfriend asked.

Emma nodded, gave a non-committal "Mmm," and cast her eyes back out the window once more. So far she'd counted three Chicken Cottages. Oh no, make that four. 

"Hey," Jenny tried again, this time turning Emma's face to hers, their eyes meeting. "They love you okay? They think your great. Best thing that could have happened to me." Emma's jaw clenched a little.

"Really?"

Jenny leaned in and captured her girlfriend's lips, willing all of her anxiety away. Quickly, Emma's hands found their rightful place amongst Jenny's long brown hair, drawing her closer, turning towards her as her back pressed against the door of the car. Emma's tongue found Jenny's, eliciting a small moan from the brunette as she hastily tried to twist in her seat, putting one knee on either side of Emma's left leg, seatbelts long forgotten. 

With Jenny now settled in her lap Emma allowed her hands to roam. She ran her fingers over the curve of well defined shoulders, grazed between perfect shoulder blades and finally down to her slender waist which she gripped tightly in an attempt to draw the one she loved even closer. She was quickly becoming overwhelmed by the way she smelled, they way she tasted, the feel of Jenny against her, and far less aware of Ken in the front section of the car_. Shit!_ Her mind screamed, _Ken! _

Emma broke their kiss hurriedly. Jenny frowned. "Ken!" Emma hissed tilting her head towards the front of the car.

Jenny shrugged a little. "I've done worse in front of one of my father's drivers." Emma raised an eyebrow. What? "Honey, he can't see," Jenny reasoned, running her fingers across the soft, sensitive skin of Emma's neck. She gave her a quick kiss to emphasise her point. "Or hear for that matter. The screen," she pointed, "That's what it's there for."

"So you can make out with people?" Emma asked, unconvinced.

"No, for privacy. Business stuff. When you want to put a hit on someone. All the things you don't want your driver hearing." Emma smiled. Jenny was funny. Her girlfriend was funny. "I did miss you, you know?" 

Jenny smirked, "I know." Jenny rested her head on Emma's shoulder and relaxed into her arms. They stayed like that for the rest of their journey, taking comfort in each other's silence. Emma didn't look out the window again until the car came to a halt and Ken turned off the engine. The door on Jenny's side opened and Emma silently thanked God that it was Jenny's door that was opened first and not hers, otherwise both girls would have been sent careening out of Emma's side of the car. Ken seemed too well informed for a man who could neither hear nor see what was happening in the back of the car he was driving.

As both Jenny and Emma emerged from the car, Ken met them with Emma's luggage and then led them to the door. Emma swallowed. This was it, the moment of truth. Sink or swim.

The blonde must have seemed agitated as Jenny gave her hand a quick squeeze. "You'll be fine," she smiled, lovingly. "Just remember to keep your socialist views to yourself okay?" Instead of starting with worry Emma found herself laughing.

"I'll try and keep my Marxist opinions to a minimum." Jenny beamed at her girlfriend as she put her key in the lock and turned it. How about this – Jenny needed a pleasant evening to extinguish all memories of the previous one and with Emma now safely with her she was pretty sure she'd get just that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Thank you all so much for your lovely comments. And thanks to my awesome betas Sones and Rahel. This was chapter was actually only supposed to be the first half of one but it just kept going so please be patient for the next one. It's all important stuff. Oh and I may have changed Jenny's parents' names.

This one's for Alexa.

I waited, anxiously, legs swinging absent-mindedly just above the water beneath me. My fingers gripped my phone tightly, ready to respond at the slightest hint of a vibration. A text meant she was home, a text meant she was _finally_home. She had called just before her connecting flight from Istanbul had left Frankfurt, and that had given me time to prepare. Trying to busy myself, I'd showered, ironed my clothes, and tidied my room. I'd even given myself a haircut! It had gotten to the point where I was struggling to navigate my way down the corridors at school for all the hair in my face, so I'd decided action needed to be taken. And glancing at my reflection in the water below, it didn't look too bad. It didn't look great but hey, it looked grungy. It was ironic and shit. She'd like it, as long as she could ruffle it, she'd like it.

So I was ready. Ready to get my girlfriend back.

My phoned buzzed in my hand and I rushed to flip it open to read the text hidden inside. My heart sank a little when I read the message. _Watching the football this weekend? Get two pizzas for the price of one, this weekend only at Domino's. Code X7Z90EU_. Fuck you Domino's! Fuck you! I sighed, deleted the message and closed my phone back up, looking out onto the river. Swans hovered on the water and the insistent yapping of geese on the other bank had increased in volume as a set of tourists decided to empty, what looked like, an entire lorry full of bread crusts onto the steps that led into the water. I shook my head, I hope it was_at least_brown bread.

I swung my legs some more and anxiously delved into my shirt pocket in search of some spearmint gum. Smiling in relief, I found myself rewarded for my efforts with a final stick of Wrigley's. I peeled back the foil and folded it on my tongue and into my mouth. Fresh breath was always key and chewing gum kept me from grinding my teeth, which was one of the big symptoms of my anxiety - and I was _certainly_grinding my teeth now. I hardly ever noticed I was doing it so my psychiatrist convinced my father to buy me a year's supply of gum to keep in my pocket for whenever I was feeling anxious, stressed or worried.

I closed my eyes and gripped my phone harder, willing it to buzz. I needed her back. School had become intolerable. Life without her had become even greyer than it had the last time. I exhaled and closed my eyes, desperately trying to relinquish my anxiety to the wind, but it wouldn't acquiesce my request. Instead, I reluctantly placed my phone back into my trouser pocket and sighed. I took a cigarette from behind my ear and rolled it between my thumb and forefinger. She wouldn't be happy I'd started again. Even though she knew she was the reason. I broke the little white stick in two and flicked it into the river. Till next time!

I was jolted by a buzz against my leg. Was it just me, or do you always get the text you've been waiting with baited breath for the instant you decided to put your phone away? I wrestled the phone out and flipped it open once more.

_Be at mine in 30mins? Usual way. I have something for you._

I grinned. Hopped off the crumbling brick wall and dashed up through the long grass to the fence that separated the public footpath from my parent's land. I ducked under and practically skipped across freshly cut grass. Eventually I came to the house and made my way in through the back door. "Mum?" I called, my voice ringing through the empty halls and high ceilings. "Dad?" Silence. I waited. "Mum?" I tried once more.

After another moment's silence, a distant, "Erika?" echoed down the halls towards me. My father, he must have been in his study – as usual. I quickly bounded through the house until I reached a large oak door. Sticking my head around it, I took in the familiar sight of my Father sat at his desk with papers scattered over its surface and stacks piled high, book upon book, journal upon journal, an organised chaos that only he understood. My father's sandy blonde hair, which normally adorned his head so perfectly, was tousled. At the sound of my approach he turned round, red cheeked and tired eyed. He looked awful. He looked frustrated. He looked tired. Amazingly though, he still found it in him to smile at his daughter, and I loved him for it. It didn't seem to matter how stressful things got with work or how short on time he might be, he _always_had a smile for me, whatever the weather. I grinned at him from ear to ear and his eyes lit up. "I'm going out," I told him.

"You weren't out already?" He asked me, his eyebrow raised, and his tone jovial.

I smirked, "In the most basic sense of the word, yes I suppose I was. But I'm going _out_out." He nodded in understanding.

"Ah, _out_out. Of course. Should I tell your mother to prepare you some dinner?"

I shook my head. "I don't think I'll be home in time," I told him, "Come to think of it, I don't think I'll be home at all this evening."

My father nodded. "I'll let her know. Have a good night honey. And give them all our love will you?"

I nodded. "I will. See you tomorrow Dad. Love you."

"Love you too, now get going! Unless you're any good with algorithmic trading, _then_you can stay!"

I laughed, flipped him off and made a break for it. I could hear his echoing laughter, chasing me down the hall and out the front door.

When I made it to the road I turned left and a little further on I came upon the bridal path which would lead me all the way to the field that boarded the Hartmann estate. Walking at a hurried pace I didn't stop at all my usual places.

In the last few months I'd often made this walk. When Jenny had left she had given me her window key, telling me that when I needed some time alone or some time with her, as she put it, I should walk down this path, stopping along the way at all our familiar places until I made it to her house, up the tree in her garden and into her room. My route to the Hartmann's took me past the tree with our initials carved in its bark. Nothing romantic or anything like that, but a simple, 'LH and BF Woz Here 2005'. Little Heart and Big Foot. At the time, for someone of my age and stature, I had possessed remarkably big feet. I only glanced this time at the burned out bomb shelter, sunken into and now part of the field to my right, away from the river. I didn't lay any offerings at the throne of the Fairy King, an old tree just off the path which had grown hollow over the years. When we were young, children of the town would whisper stories of a great battle between the fairies of the wood and the fairies of the river. This was their Throne, the item of contention, and to appease both sides humans would leave small offerings of flowers, leaves and berries so not to be drawn into the centuries old battle.

This time though, I didn't need to stop at all the places that reminded me of her, gathering memories to take to her room. This time, I wouldn't need these things to remind me of her touch, her taste, or her laughter, because she'd be there when I climbed the tree and unlocked her window. I could hold her, kiss her, taste her. God, how I'd missed her!

I came to the fence of the Hartmann estate and hopped it with ease as I had done many times before. I quickly jogged over to the old oak tree that loomed over the back left hand corner of the grand Edwardian house. Oak trees weren't typically known for their climbable build but as kids we had notched little holes into its sides so that we may clamber up into its branches. As I was older now and at a push, taller, I scaled the tree with ease. My hands and feet found the little grooves as if it were second nature. When I reached the desired branch that came almost level with Jenny's window I placed my hands firmly and heaved myself up onto it. I brushed off some debris from my shirt as I glanced towards the window. She was there, perched on the end of her bed with her back to the window, waiting. I smiled to myself. She always liked me to surprise her. Even if she did hear the window unlocking or creaking as I raised it open. Even if she could hear my padded footfalls across the carpet. _Even_if she knew I was coming.

I scampered across the branch and easily negotiated the small gap between the tree and Jenny's windowsill. From there I could see her properly now. Her hair was longer than before and a little bleached by the sun which had brought out its natural highlights. Her shoulders were tanned even more so than usual, and her posture seemed just as rigid as ever. A few suitcases were piled up to her right, ready to be unpacked into her cupboards, which were already overflowing with clothes. No doubt my girlfriend had bought many more clothes to which she was going to try and stuff into the groaning piece of oak furniture. I smiled to myself and withdrew the window key from my pocket. With one last look at her, I turned the key in the lock, eased the bay window up and ducked bringing my feet round to drop down onto the carpet softly.

If she knew of my presence she didn't let on as I moved quietly across the room and came to a stop, inches from where she was sat, and took a seat gently next to her. Jenny's room had always smelled like Jenny. The smell of her shampoo or body wash, a combination of the perfumes or body sprays she used, the herbal teas she drank, scented candles and incense she insisted on buying to cleanse her chi. Everything came together and when Jenny was absent I found comfort in that, but it was nothing compared to having the real thing sat next to you. I was almost giddy.

I heard her inhale and then she spoke. "You don't hang around do you," it wasn't a question. She turned to me, her blue azure eyes met mine, and I couldn't help but grin when I saw a wide smile on her face.

I raised an eyebrow, "Why, should I have?"

She giggled, grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me forward, mumbling a quiet "Shut the fuck up," before our lips crashed together. Her hands were in my hair, her nails grazing my scalp. Before I knew it Jenny's head was resting on her pillow, my hands inching her skirt up causing it to bunch round her hips and she fumbled for the zip on my trousers. I trailed hot kisses down her neck and nipped at the soft, sensitive skin there causing Jenny's hips to buck into mine. I gave in a little and gave her the contact her body was begging for as I began to rock slowly against her. She gripped my hips hard, as she tried to bury her head in pillow in an attempt to mute a small moan that escaped her lips. "I've missed you so much," I whispered, breathlessly whilst placing kisses along her collarbone.

"I missed you too," she managed, "I missed you too". I snuck my fingers under the hem of her vest, and began to remove it slowly, pulling it up and ove-

"Girls!" Rolf, Jenny's father, and my Godfather, called through the door. Frozen, I heard Jenny sigh in frustration beneath me, but my eyes were rivited firmly on the door.

"Yes Dad," Jenny called, impatience in her voice.

"Is it alright to come in?"

"No, Dad!" Jenny snapped, irritation evident in her voice. I started to climb off of her but she captured my arm and shook her head, giving me a pointed look.

"Hello Mr Hartmann," I attempted, earning me another not so pleased look from my girlfriend, but I pulled my arm away and quickly sat up on my haunches.

"Erika, how wonderful it is to hear your voice again after such a long time! Perhaps you'll do me the honour of gracing me with your presence at dinner so I can look upon that heavenly face of yours once more. If you're not too pre-occupied with my daughter that is," I knew that Rolf's last comment was meant in jest, it was evident in his voice, but I couldn't help feeling instantly ill at ease.

"Of course, Mr Hartmann," I swallowed. "Dinner would be great. Thanks."

"It won't be that great. We're ordering out. Jenny, pizza okay with you?" She mumbled a response and with that he was gone.

After a moment's silence we heard his footfalls on the stairs and I let myself breath. "Fuck me," I sighed with relief.

Jenny laughed a little, "I was trying to. Come here," she pulled at my shirt that I had only just started to re-button up.

I hesitated. "Jenny," I warned.

"What?" she asked impatiently, moving her hands to my hunched shoulders and gently rubbing, trying to ease some of the tension there.

I screwed up my eyes for a moment, irritated with myself for feeling so self-conscious all of a sudden. I was being an idiot. He was downstairs, it didn't matter. Rolf was cool, always had been. He'd always supported our relationship even when others hadn't. He was just winding me up.

I opened my eyes and saw that Jenny had come closer; the irritation had left her eyes. "You alright?"

I nodded. "Yeah, just… I'm fine." I let myself smile, but unconvinced, Jenny frowned and sat up a little.

"You've been getting worse again haven't you?" I shrugged. "I'll take that as a yes." She cocked her head to one side and flashed a telling smile. "I might have something," she said. "I got it from some backpackers I met in Istanbul. They said they'd found it in Syria but had found places to get it in Turkey too. It'll relax you."

I raised my eyebrows, "Relax me? I have CBT for that."

"It's just good for when you want to chill out you know, and you feel you can't?" She pressed her lips to mine and spoke a little quieter, "Good for sex too." I laughed now; Jenny had often had a one-track mind as of late. No phone conversation was complete without her insisting on knowing what colour underwear I was wearing.

We had agreed that when she left that we could see other people until she returned. She knew that I wouldn't, but I knew that she would. We were different. I kept everything inside; Jenny always needed to let it all out. But that's why we worked, and I had to accept that if I wanted to keep her. Besides, I knew I had her heart, and that's all I really cared about.

I smiled and kissed her back. "I don't know babe, there's a reason I've not been put on medication."

Jenny pouted. "Erika, I love you, I would never do anything to hurt you. Trust me. You'll feel better. And it's nothing serious okay?" My brow furrowed. "Just try it, once, for me?" She pleaded. I found myself not being able to say no as she pulled me back down on top of her and proceeded to unbutton my shirt.

Three quarters of an hour later we heard the sound of the doorbell and Rolf called up to us to tell us the pizza had arrived. We straightened our clothes, flattened our hair and made our way downstairs to the dining room. Although the food on offer that evening at the Hartmann's was takeaway pizza, it was still customary to eat at the dinner table. Knife, fork and all.

"Emma, Mighty Meaty or Texas BBQ?" Rolf asked. Emma looked over to Jenny who shrugged. Her girlfriend was being no help. The absurdity of her parents serving Domino's Pizza at the dinner table was clearly getting to her, and the significance wasn't lost on Jenny either. "Mighty Meaty?" Emma shrugged.

Rolf smiled widely and practically bellowed from the top of the table to his wife, "Christine dear, could you pass that one down to Emma? Thank you!" Emma smiled her thanks. Dinner with the Hartmanns take two… the blonde hoped she'd have a better time of it this time round.

**TBC**

**Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Thank you so much for your kind comments as always. As promised, all Emma this chapter. It's a long one so thank you to my lovely betas, Sones and Dani oD. *passes out* 

Dinner was going far more smoothly than Emma ever could have expected. What she'd anticipated was another round of twenty questions from the Hartmanns, like the time before at Saal1, and what she'd gotten instead was far more pleasant.

It turned out that Jenny's parents were very keen for Emma to see London, and had insisted that the next day would be spent taking Emma to see all the sights. The main attractions such as Big Ben, the Houses of Parliament, The Tower of London, and Buckingham Palace were of course all on the schedule. Rolf mentioned that he'd already asked Kenneth to plot the best route from site to site, and reminded everyone that they would have to be up extra early tomorrow if they hoped to fit everything in.

Emma wasn't so surprised by the Hartmann's hospitality, _that_ she had expected from them. However much you might dislike a person, a family such as the Hartmanns would always go out of their way to be as hospitable as was humanly possible. There was a particular etiquette that needed to be maintained after all. You attract more flies with honey, as they say. What did surprise Emma was their eagerness to spend the day with her. She reasoned that if they didn't care for her, then the easiest thing to have done would be to send her into Central London for the day with a driver.

But there was Christine Hartmann, sat right next to the blonde, clutching her hand and whispering conspiratorially in Emma's ear about "a wonderful little family run, Dutch, Pancake House" they could visit for lunch, or a "cute little second hand book shop in Covent Garden" that made her think of Emma every time she passed it. Emma couldn't remember ever expressing an interest in books over her last dinner with the Hartmanns, but the notion that Jenny's mother thought of her in any way positive went a long way in quelling Emma's fears.

Emma looked up to see her girlfriend smiling at her from across the table. Her blue eyes were warm and her smile content. Emma couldn't help but smile back. She almost had to avert her gaze to stop herself from turning into a grinning idiot.

Rolf, who had ducked into the kitchen, emerged with a few tubs of ice cream, four bowls and four spoons. A childish grin played across his features and Emma caught Jenny rolling her eyes. She twisted to face the brunette with a smirk and shot a questioning look that was gently shrugged off – which was, to Emma, the equivalent of having two warning shots fired across the bow of her ship; she was headed into murky waters, but this time Emma wouldn't take no for an answer. "What?" she asked in a hushed tone, leaning across to Jenny whilst Christine and Rolf were occupied with dishing out the ice cream.

Jenny shrugged again and offered, "He's pulling his cool parent act." She was running hot and cold that evening, and for the life of her Emma couldn't work out why. She'd been fine at the airport, fine in the car, and _more_ than fine in the hours spent up in her bedroom. What had happened in between now and then that had her so riled?

Emma offered a small smile. "He's just trying to make me feel welcome."

"It's patronising," Jenny hissed in irritation. Emma blinked. _How was pizza patronising? __  
><em>  
>"No, it's nice. It's- "<p>

"You don't understand," Jenny snapped. Emma bit her tongue and took a moment, so as to not say something she might regret. How had such a lovely dinner turned so sour so quickly? Jenny was all smiles and contented looks a moment before.

Emma sighed and reached for Jenny's hand, surprised when her girlfriend didn't pull away but instead squeezed her fingers tightly. "Explain it to me then," Emma suggested, softly. Jenny met her eyes and though Emma thought she saw something sad there she smiled a small smile and the brunette rewarded her with a smile in return.

Jenny went to speak but Rolf called down to them from the end of the table and gestured for them to come and collect their bowls. They both tucked into their ice cream silently, and both realised that whatever Jenny had been about to say would have to wait. Emma noticed Jenny smile ruefully and shake her head as she shifted the ice cream round in her bowl. She gave her another questioning look and was surprised when the second was greeted with a smile and a laugh. "English breakfast, Pizza and Ice Cream all in one day," she explained, "I think we might need to squeeze a gym visit into the itinerary for tomorrow."

"English breakfast?" Rolf asked,

Jenny hesitated, as if she hadn't been aware that she had such an audience. "Er, yeah," she nodded. Rolf frowned. Emma noticed a fleeting look of panic cross Jenny's face. If there was any doubt that Jenny was anything but composed, it was vanquished when she shrugged her answer, coolly. "I headed down to Boho this morning. I had a craving."  
>"You should have said something; we would have tried to pick up something a little lighter for you." Emma noticed Rolf's eyes had gone dark, and the tone of his voice had changed.<p>

"Rolf," Christine warned. Emma was thoroughly confused. Jenny's parents had always struck her as pretty regimented, but _never_had they struck her as such rigid calorie counters. And she thought her parents were health nuts.

"No Christine. It's nice that Jenny can come home and visit all the places she's missed. See old _**friends**_," he said, an edge to his voice.

Emma turned to look at Jenny. Her girlfriend appeared defensive, poised, and ready for something that she obviously saw coming but the blonde didn't. "Dad-"

"Don't be insolent with me Jenny." Rolf spat.

Christie shifted, suddenly uncomfortable in her chair. "I don't think this is appropriate discussion for the dinner table Rolf, especially with company!" As the elder woman's eyes flicked to her and then back to Rolf, Emma realized that yes, _SHE_ was indeed said company. That was now quite clear.

"Do you really expect me to believe that you went there _just_ for the breakfast?"

"Yes, because that's all I was there for," Jenny reasoned. Her voice was steady but her pitch was now a few semi-tones higher. She glanced over to Emma and was met with a puzzled expression. She shook her head to herself in disbelief at her father's rash questioning. "If you really must interrogate me about this, can we at least do it in your study?"

Rolf was now past reasoning as he laughed a bitter laugh and continued the assault against his daughter. "You had a craving alright. And even after that stunt she pulled last night! In her mind, the fact that you agreed to see her only reinforced that that kind of behaviour is acceptable. That she can act in such a facetious manner and not face any consequence. I forbade you contact with her, and still you defy me. Again and again, nothing has changed!"

_Oh_, Emma thought, _OH!_ As she started to fill in the blanks, this rather spontaneous argument was suddenly beginning to make much more sense. Had Jenny seen this Erika? Had she arranged to see her on purpose? And if so, why had she? Was it a casual rendezvous or something...something that Emma didn't want to think about?

"Dad, I ate my breakfast, did the crossword and left to pick Emma up from the airport. Remember _Emma_, your guest, and my_girlfriend!_" Jenny's hint couldn't have been more obvious. Jenny caught Emma's eyes once more, and the blonde could practically feel her girlfriend's building desperation flooding into her. Her eyes told her that Jenny's words were truthful, and were at the same time begging her to believe that.

"Jenny," Rolf said, shaking his head, "I really would love to believe you, but the amount of lies you've told your mother and I..."

"I'm _not_ lying to you." Jenny barely managed through gritted teeth.

Rolf's eyes snapped to his daughter's. "So you deny that you saw her?" It was a challenge. Emma looked from Rolf to her girlfriend and swallowed. A silence hung between them. Jenny had taken too long to answer. It was now obvious that Jenny had seen Erika that morning, just before she arrived at the airport to pick Emma up, but she hadn't spoken of it.

Jenny threw her hands up in frustration and rose from her chair, tucking it back in with a little more force than was needed. "This is unbelievable. _Unbelievable_!"

"No Jenny, this isn't unbelievable," Rolf started now, pointing at his daughter, daring her to leave the room when he was in full swing. "What's unbelievable is the fact that you still associate with that girl!"

Jenny almost laughed now. Disbelief etched all over her face. "She's family-"

"She's _not_ family! Nella is family," he bellowed. "Stellan…" Rolf hesitated, all sorts of emotions creeping into his voice, "Stellan was family. Don't make excuses for yourself love. Don't lie to yourself. I thought being in Cologne had taught you self-control, but I was obviously mistaken!"

"Being in Cologne has taught me more than self control. It's taught me humility and empathy, two things which you obviously lack! Being there has given me independence from you and your ridiculous-"Jenny didn't have time to finish as her father cut in once more.

"Independence from _ME_...! I don't remember a time when my own daughter truly listened to something I had to say. Or am I mistaken?" Rolf was a clever man, and Emma could see that Jenny could muster no response. From their time together in Cologne Emma had seen Jenny change. Jenny had always held an air of arrogance; you could say it was in her blood, but she'd seen her change from the new, better than you, rich kid from London, into the Jenny who stood before her now – the Jenny she'd come to know and love. She'd always imagined that moving to Cologne had been an escape for Jenny, but what she was running from she did not know. Perhaps an escape from this ex, or an escape from her overbearing parents, but _never_ had she entertained the thought that it was Jenny who had been the overbearing one.

"I distinctly remember asking my then sixteen year old daughter on several occasions to be home before midnight. Did she listen then? Did she listen when I told her not to steal liquor from the liquor cabinet, or the credit cards from my wallet? Did she listen when I asked her to go with Steig's son to the Tiffin Leaver's Ball? No, she did not! Instead, she flew to Goa with a girl she had no future with! Oh yes, I remember begging my daughter to not get on that plane, but did she listen? _NO_!"

"I never wanted Steig's son, you knew that," Jenny shot back. She shook her head, a despairing smile on her face. "God, I don't even remember his name! You just wanted his father in your pocket. Well, I'm sorry your daughter being a dyke got in the way of that business deal. Erika was the heir to a fortune. That's all you really cared about any way wasn't it? If it couldn't be Steig's son, then at least I'd marry rich, or into influence! But even that wasn't good enough for you, not with her. I guess a son in law is just another one of those things that you've always wanted but you'll never have; like a daughter who listens." She spoke the last lines with intent- intent to hurt, intent to make a point.

Christine took her head out of her hands and spoke sadly. "Your father and I gave up hope of that a long time ago honey."

Jenny's face went white, her eyes calm and steely. She turned to the blonde. "Emma, I'll meet you outside in the garden- in a minute okay?" She took Emma's hand in hers, brought it to her lips, and with a quick kiss whispered, "Please?" Blue eyes pleaded with hazel, and silently begged her to understand, to not judge her, to not run to Heathrow and hop on the first plane back to Cologne. Emma knew that Jenny wanted to save her from further hurt, confusion, and humiliation. She must have known the implication of her parent's words. All the things she'd been worried about, all the worries she'd convinced herself were irrational just minutes before at dinner, were now all laid out in front of her, obviously all founded in truth. In the Hartmann's eyes, Emma wasn't good enough for their daughter, no matter how good her heart was.

Emma nodded solemnly. "Okay, I'll just be…" She gestured to the conservatory and gave her girlfriend a quick, bolstering kiss on her cheek before she made her way to the glass doors and let herself out. She sat on the step just outside and leaned against the cool glass. She could still hear Jenny's voice ringing with newfound vindication from inside.

"So sending me to the Bergmanns', that was just a happy coincidence?" Jenny asked.

Emma covered her ears but could still hear Rolf's angered response.

"Sending you to the Bergmanns' was the only option we had! We were lucky Stefan even agreed to have you with your priors!"

_Priors, what priors? Did he mean Jenny had a criminal record?__  
><em>  
>"No, you saw an opportunity to pull me away from her and you took it!"<p>

_She's speaking as if it was never her decision to leave her ex. She's almost speaking as if she never wanted to.__  
><em>  
>"You needed to be protected from her," Rolf insisted.<p>

Emma heard Jenny practically growl with frustration. "From what? The drugs, or something else?"

"Ben Bergmann is a nice young man!" Rolf was practically pleading now.

"Oh, yes! Now I understand, a nice young man, with such an influential father."

_Jenny was sent to Cologne… for Ben?__  
><em>  
>"Yes! A father who's a financial advisor for half of the Bundestag!"<p>

_But she wanted me. Over Ben Bergmann.__  
><em>  
>Jenny scoffed. "You really thought Ben Bergmann was going to straighten me out?" Emma smirked bitterly to herself. The idea was becoming seemingly ridiculous. Had Rolf really hoped that sending Jenny to live in the same house as Ben Bergmann would have convinced her of her heterosexuality?<p>

Emma just caught Christine's voice, as it floated quietly from her seated position next to Rolf. "Well dear, we-" But Jenny interjected, abruptly.

"Sorry Dad," Emma could practically hear her shrug of nonchalance. "I fucked him. Still gay! Wow, I guess Erika really did a number on me huh?" There was silence. Yeah, Jenny was still pretty gay, Emma could attest to that, but why was everything coming back to Erika, again? Emma shifted uncomfortably on the cold step.

Rolf spoke unexpectedly, "Just another notch to add to the bed post then!" Emma gasped, unable to really believe what she had just heard. Would he really say that to his own daughter, with that much malice? _Surely there couldn't be any truth in that statement!_ Truth be told, Jenny had slept with Ben, and Emma had definitely got the impression Jenny was far more experienced than her sexually, but the implication here went much further than that.

There was silence for a moment and then the conservatory door opened as Jenny slumped down on the step beside her. She sighed heavily and shook her head in disbelief before burying it in her hands.

They sat like that for a moment, appreciating the calming affect they had on each other. Emma hesitated and picked at the hem on Jenny's jeans.

Softly Emma spoke, scrunching up her face and bracing herself for a possibly caustic response, "Is asking you if you're okay a stupid question?"

She should have known better. Jenny grinned and turned to meet her girlfriend's gaze. "No, it's not. I'm okay." Emma looked unconvinced so Jenny persisted. "Really, I'm okay. I'm used to this kind of thing. Missed it actually," she said with a wink which fell short on Emma. She smiled a little sadder and continued to explain. "I've always known why he sent me where he did. Or had my suspicions anyways. I'm just sorry you had to hear all that. Come here." Jenny took Emma's chin between her thumb and forefinger and pulled her closer but Emma resisted.

"Are you okay?" Jenny asked, as concern filled her eyes.

Emma shook her head with a sad smile, "I just… Jenny, I can't help but feel like I'm… "

"They love you," Jenny appealed, desperately, taking her girlfriend's hands in hers and squeezing tight.

"You really expect me to take that from _that_ conversation?" The blonde asked, smiling ruefully.

"No. But I expect you to trust me when I say so. They just want what's best for me," Jenny said with a shrug.

"And what I took from that is that I'm not what's best for you."

"Emma," Jenny said, her moving close again and resting her forehead against the blonde's, tenderly. "I don't think there could be anyone better. They sometimes just confuse what's best for me with what's best for them," she reasoned.

"Right, but if I were Ben Bergmann we wouldn't be having this conversation. And you wouldn't have had that argument."

Jenny winced. "You heard that?" she asked.

"Yes…" Emma raised her eyebrows apologetically. She'd been caught listening. She felt the heat begin to rise in her cheeks but the darkness of the garden made it almost impossible to see. "Do you really think that's why your father sent you to the Bergmann's?" she asked, incredulously, quickly removing the focus off her snooping.

"I think it's one of many reasons," Jenny nodded. She pursed her lips as if in thought and cast her eyes down towards the end of the garden and the bridal path beyond. "What you have to understand is that's how my father is when he's at work, and that when he's at home, he's still working. Erika's father was the same. And it might have killed him. Papa always thinks with his head, never his heart, because he doesn't have time to. His life is his work and his family has never been separate from that. We all play our roles. Or did, until Erika and I became more than friends. We'd spend most social functions away from the crowd chatting in corners or 'socialising' on balconies. We both quickly became obsolete. That's what my father couldn't accept. I could no longer be part of his work bubble. Stepping out of that was like turning my back on the family. Because to him, that's all our family is. We're his work."

Emma smiled and quickly moved forward, capturing Jenny's lips with hers. She lingered tenderly for a moment and then pulled back, planting a small shower of kisses across her right cheek. "Jenny," she spoke quietly, "I understand that. I mean – I can't relate to it – because we're different... Very different, and that's becoming more apparent every passing second- but I understand it."

"You do?" Jenny asked, her eyes lighting up. "Because it sounds crazy, even to me," she admitted with a self-professed smirk.

Emma nodded and kissed her girlfriend again, just as tenderly as before. "Yes, but what you have to realise is that I'm here now. I'm staying here, under your parent's roof and as wonderfully hospitable as they've been I can't help feeling it's for you, and not me. You're saying they don't care that I'm not a guy. Well I never expected them to care about that in the first place Jenny! I expected them to care about the clothes I'm wearing, or what my parents do for a living and how much they earn, or how I have no knowledge of the footsie."

Jenny scoffed a little. "The FTSE 100?"

"Exactly!" Emma exclaimed, laughter on her voice. "What the hell is that?"

Jenny grinned at her girlfriend and did her best Rolf Hartmann impression. "A share index of the 100 most highly capitalised UK companies on the London Stock Exchange."

Emma raised her eyebrow, sceptically. "You are not that smart Jenny Hartmann." The brunette's jaw fell as she feigned shock and punched her girlfriend playfully in the arm.

"I've been privy to a lot of mind numbingly boring conversations in my time," Jenny explained. "Many of them have involved the FTSE, in one way or the other."

"I pity you," Emma said, with a teasing smile and an elbow to Jenny's ribs.

"Ha! Thanks," Jenny claimed another quick kiss from her girlfriend before pulling on her hands and dragging her to her feet. "Come here, I want to show you something." The blonde and brunette skipped across the garden to the large oak tree that grew only a few metres from Jenny's window.

Jenny began to climb, using the ridges she and Erika had carved in their childhood. The deepness of the scores in the wood still surprised Jenny as her hands and feet fit perfectly into each groove. She looked back at Emma when she heard a confused voice from behind her ask, "What are we doing?"

Jenny smiled mischievously. "Breaking and entering! Come on!"

Emma tentatively climbed the large oak tree, being careful not to miss any of the rather convenient holes carved into its sides. When she pulled herself up onto the branch Jenny was perched on, she was rewarded with a momentous smile. Emma frowned a little in confusion, unsure of what exactly was behind that smile. "This tree was Erika's way of getting up into my room in secret. We carved the grooves in the bark. Now it's yours," she explained. Emma felt some of those little fires inside her that had been put out with the argument over dinner re-ignite at Jenny's words. She felt warm and wanted, and she couldn't help the small smile that crept onto her face. This was a memory that was purely Jenny's, and Jenny's alone. It was a part of her old life that she shared with someone else, but was now reinventing with Emma. Emma was becoming Emma Muller, Jenny's girlfriend. Not Emma Muller, Jenny's girlfriend from Cologne.

Both girls scrambled through the bay window and into Jenny's room. Jenny changed for bed whilst Emma got ready in the bathroom. The brunette was tucked up in the big double bed by the time Emma emerged in the penguin pyjamas her sister had bought her for Christmas. Jenny scooted over to the right side of the bed and fawned over Emma's PJs when she tucked herself under the covers and settled in next to her. "I like these," Jenny whispered. "Cute."

Jenny pulled on Emma's collar and closed the short distance between them in an instant, capturing Emma's lips with her own. She ran both hands lightly up the blonde's neck, tickling the soft, sensitive skin as she went. Emma smiled slightly into the kiss and responded in turn, nibbling on Jenny's bottom lip and then granting her tongue access.

Jenny ran her fingers through blonde hair, down under the material of Emma's pyjamas and over the blonde's shoulders, hot fingertips dancing over cool skin.

Emma entangled her fingers in Jenny's hair and couldn't help but let out a small gasp as Jenny slid a knee in-between her legs and moved a forceful hand to her hip encouraging her body to move with her own. They were a tangle of limbs and hot, breathless kisses, just as they had been in the few hours they'd spent alone in Jenny's room before dinner.

Emma felt a familiar pang in her stomach as an excruciating heat began to build between her legs, one which she knew couldn't be quelled with just the use of Jenny's leg. In one terrifying moment Emma realised she wanted Jenny inside of her. She needed her, and at the same time she realised that however much she wanted Jenny at that moment, she'd regret it if she gave herself over to her right then. She wanted their first time to be perfect, not an attempt at proving Jenny's parents wrong, and definitely not whilst Emma could still smell a hint of cigarette smoke on Jenny's skin.

She put a hand to her hip and found Jenny's hand. She entwined her fingers with hers and pulled Jenny closer. Her sudden eye contact caused the brunette's movements to come to an abrupt stop as a frown creased her brow. "What's wrong?" Jenny asked quietly, a little panic creeping into her voice. And, was that self doubt Emma saw ever so fleetingly behind her eyes? "Have I done somethi-"

Emma silenced her with a firm kiss. One that she hoped summed up everything she wanted to say to Jenny at that moment, along with the love and desire she felt for her. She rested her forehead against her girlfriend's and snuggled as close to her as she could manage. "Soon, okay?" She asked. Jenny nodded and sighed, resigned. Silently, Emma prayed Jenny understood.

"Emma," Jenny began before falling silent again. She shook her head, almost chastening herself. Emma could tell her girlfriend wanted to say something but was struggling for the words.

The blonde gave Jenny a reassuring, "Mmm?" and squeezed both of the hands that were entwined with her own. Jenny paused for a moment, took a breath as to prepare herself, and then continued. "Emma, there are a lot of things you don't know about me. When I moved to Cologne, I wiped the slate clean, got the chance to start again fresh. You were that fresh start okay? So whatever I've done and whatever you hear over the next few days just know… that's not me okay? It was, but… In a few days we'll go home. It is in the past, and I intend to keep it there. Okay?"

Emma nodded but couldn't help wonder about breakfast. If Erika was Jenny's past, why was she meeting her for breakfast? "You didn't answer your dad, when he asked you if you denied seeing her this morning. Your e-"

"Emma," Jenny squeezed the blonde's hands tight, forcing their eyes to meet, forcing her to see the honesty and love blazing there. "I love _**you**_. Like no one else."

Emma smiled at this, sheepishly. "I might need you to keep telling me that. Just for a little while." She shrugged. She knew Jenny loved her; she'd never doubted that. But... being sure that she was number one, being sure that she was really and truly what Jenny wanted above all else - that's what she struggled with. Part of her knew how irrational that was, but another part of her couldn't help but think it.

"I can do that," Jenny reassured her, leaning in to place another affirming kiss upon Emma's lips. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too."

**TBC**

**Thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>This one took a little longer. Sorry about that. Again it was only supposed to be one chapter but I had to end it early and it will become two. Thought I'd end this one on a high, ready for a downer again next chapter? :P Thanks to **sones502** for again, being an awesome beta. And as always, your comments are wonderful so thank you so much for reading and leaving them. Dialogue with around it is English spoken, any other dialogue is taken as German.

Emma gripped the hand in hers tightly. To her surprise the hand's owner didn't wince or pull away, but gave a reassuring squeeze back while dragging her thumb comfortingly across her knuckles. Hordes of Londoners made their way down the platform that spread to both Emma's left and right. Emma realised that another train must have arrived into Waterloo since she noticed a new set of faceless tourists, commuters and leisure seekers had begun to pile onto the platform from the small entrance behind them, forcing them to move closer and closer to the edge of the platform, too close. There's a yellow line for a reason, right? Nervous, she had noted that they were well beyond the yellow line now. Emma looked to her girlfriend, panic evident in her eyes, seeking some reassurance, or perhaps for the brunette to whisk her into her arms and carry her away from this dreadful situation. There were so many people pushing, clawing and fighting just so they could get on a train that would get them to their desired destination faster than the person they'd just left in the dust. Jenny Hartmann simply flashed her eyes excitedly and smirked. Emma's discomfort was obvious, yet her girlfriend did nothing. If anything, she was mocking her_! Wonderful_ Emma thought as she turned her eyes back to the track in front of her. She'd always been told that if she looked hard enough she'd be able to see mice amongst the tracks on the London Underground, yet she was almost certain that mice were one of the _least_ likely things to put her at ease.

She'd been on edge since the argument two nights ago over dinner at the Hartmanns'. The leisurely family outing that had been so meticulously planned before the ruckus became a day where tensions had run high. Jenny had tried hard to do what she did best, as she smiled and pretended nothing had ever happened. Christine decided the only way to deal with the situation was to go into overdrive, complimenting Emma at every turn, making sure she had anything and everything she needed, always asking for her opinion on a sight's architecture or grandeur. It had been a job in itself just appeasing Christine. Then there was Rolf. He hadn't spoken two words the entire day. Well, actually, that was unfair. He had spoken, two words. And those words were, "Cheque, please'". By the time they'd gotten home both Jenny and Emma had possessed just enough energy to clamber into bed and call it a night, just after deciding that the next day would be spent together, and parent free, in Central. Jenny would take Emma to all the places she loved. She said she wanted what was hers to be theirs, and Emma had gone to sleep a little happier than she'd expected last night.

Emma glanced down to the end of the platform to her right, the direction in which the train should have been coming from. The signs overhead said that the Northern Line train they were waiting for to take them to Leicester Square would be arriving in two minutes. _Two minutes too long_ Emma thought. She gazed into the darkness, desperately trying to make out the headlights of an oncoming train, but no matter how hard she tried she found herself unable to shift her feeling of unease. She felt something was coming, something out of her control, but she couldn't yet put her finger on it. It wasn't just Erika, it was London. Everything was new, everything unknown and _EVERYTHING_ seemed to hold some truth that Jenny thought best to keep under wraps. Jenny had done her best to ensure Emma that it was nothing that she had done to cause her to act this way, and yet Emma still couldn't help but feel that if that were true, Jenny wouldn't _only_ be sharing some parts of her former life while keeping _others_ hidden. That was what this whole day was about, being introduced to parts of the old Jenny, but she shouldn't be allowed to pick and choose, should she? She felt a slight pressure atop her head followed by warm breath that tickled her neck. Jenny had placed a small kiss on her head and was now tucked comfortably into her shoulder. Emma shivered. "It's fine," she felt her whisper, causing the sensitive skin of her neck to prickle; "It's supposed to be like this. Everyone wants to get to the same place. People just go about it differently. Arseholes will push but they wont get there any quicker. Some don't even know where to start. Don't know how. You just need to let the crowd take you. Prod you in the right direction. You'll get where you want to go eventually. Probably faster than everyone else." Emma snapped her head up and looked at her girlfriend once more. The brunette smiled yet again and gave her a quick kiss. Emma flushed a little and swallowed hard, looking around nervously at the crowd. Jenny gave her hand another squeeze. "Emma, no one cares," she said, earnestly, placing another kiss on the blonde's lips.

A few moments later the hiss of metal against metal echoed through the crowded platform. Emma glanced down the tunnel once more to see two bright headlights piercing the darkness. As the train's carriage came into the light, she saw a sign with the word Edgware adorning its front, clearly announcing the place at which it terminated. The crowd surged forward a little, jostling for position, but Jenny kept a firm hand on Emma, keeping her rooted to the spot. The train slowly ground to a halt, the carriage's double doors falling into position perfectly in front of them, ensuring them first access. Emma raised a brow in her girlfriend's direction. She shrugged and smiled warmly. "I made this journey everyday for months on end. I know where the trains stop. I could have probably told you what adverts you'd find inside each carriage by looking at the patterns on the chair's upholstery once upon a time."

As the doors opened Emma felt another push from behind. They were carried inside on the tide of crowd, like water desperately trying to reach its lowest point. They didn't find a seat as every single on of them was already occupied, but Emma didn't mind. After all, they were only travelling three stops up the Northern Line. They were crammed into the carriage like sardines, both Jenny and Emma standing a hair's breadth from each other. Emma blushed a little as she felt Jenny's breath caress her nose. She crinkled it slightly in an attempt to quell the tickling sensation, as she currently didn't have the use of her hands, which were trapped rather comprehensively at her sides. Jenny quirked an eyebrow playfully. "What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing," Emma replied with a smirk.

"Nothing?" Emma shook her head. "Then you won't mind if I do this," Jenny blew softly onto Emma's nose, eliciting a small giggle from her girlfriend who quickly wrestled with the grey coated man next to her and brought her hand up to give relief to her stimulated skin.

"Stop," she managed through rolls of laughter, "Stop, please."

"I don't want t-" Jenny was quickly silenced as Emma brought her now free hand behind the brunette's neck, drawing her forward and down towards her lips. The train jolted forward throwing Emma back slightly, but with one hand grasping the over head rail and another firmly planted in the small of Emma's back, Jenny clung firmly to her girlfriend and pulled her closer, deepening their kiss. Emma smiled to herself. She felt picturesque, romantic. She felt like she had just created a memory; a good memory _with_ Jenny. Their own to keep and share. And suddenly Emma realised that whatever had been niggling at the back of her mind, whatever this big bad was on the horizon, was maybe just that, some niggling feeling and nothing more. She'd enjoy today; her day out with Jenny, their day where what once was Jenny's would become theirs.

Once they'd arrived at Leicester Square their first stop was the ticket office. In an attempt to apologise for their argument two nights ago, Rolf had bought the girls tickets for a meal and a musical. It was his way of trying to appease his daughter without having to actually apologise verbally. That would be too much of a dent in his pride. Instead he opted for the easier option of buying his daughter's forgiveness. Of course his daughter was 19 and had more than enough experience of her father's schemes to know when she was being fobbed off. That didn't stop her from happily accepting the peace offering, but it also didn't stop her from holding a grudge. She could do that quite well.

The tickets in question were for a show down in Victoria, one that both Jenny and Emma had heard a lot about but had never had the chance to see, Wicked. According to Rolf it was about some lesbian witches, but Jenny had been quick to assure him otherwise. She was also quick to tell Emma that THAT was his actual attempt at an apology. With the tickets collected Jenny took Emma's hand and pulled her in direction of Covent Garden and Garrick Street. Passing Snog, the frozen yogurt shop, they happened upon Cyber Candy, and with a devilish grin Jenny pulled her inside. Emma struggled to retrieve her jaw from its new residence on the store's floor the entire time they were inside the shop. There were sweets and chocolates from all over the world, all different shapes and sizes. The two fridges to the left of the till held a multiplicity of sugary drinks and pops, while the display in the middle of the store held what looked to Emma to be hundreds of flavours of Jelly Beans. The rest of the store held mostly chocolate, from Hershy's, through to Cadbury's, and Resse's to TimTams. Though only Kinder Bueno, no Choco Fresh, Emma noted. This needed to be rectified. Although, there were so many choices, she was sure she could find something just as good, if not better, than her favourite chocolate snack amongst such a range of candy.

After they emerged with a few days worth of their general daily allowance of calories in their tiny Cyber Candy bags, they headed further into Covent Garden and hand in hand, went into all the shops before stopping for tea in Covent Garden Market and taking in the architecture of the restored building. The steel arches that housed the redbrick structure towered over them as they relaxed down in the lower courtyard of the building, sipping their chosen beverages. "Where to next?" Emma asked.

"Well," Jenny swallowed, "I thought we could hop on a train and pop to Camden for lunch. It won't take too long and I could show you the lock and the market there. Get some food. Whatever you want they'll have it," she shrugged.

"You used to go there a lot?" Emma asked.

Jenny nodded, "There and Shoreditch. They're very different, but very the same. Same people different clothes, you know what I mean? I just went where there were good people."

"Doesn't sound like they were all good people," Emma spoke before the thinking but Jenny didn't blink.

"Not all good, no," she said, her lips pursed ever so slightly. "But at the time, I never saw that. They'd buy you a drink or offer you…" Jenny trailed off and shook her head as if trying to dismiss an unpleasant memory from her mind.

"Offer you…?" Emma urged. She knew she was pushing her luck, but she was curious and she felt if she had a greater understanding of perhaps what Jenny's life was really like in London, she'd be more equipped to deal with it when it reared its ugly head.

Jenny met Emma's questioning eyes. "MDMA if we were clubbing. Coke if I wanted to be obnoxious. Whatever else was on the go: K, MDA, Speed..." She shrugged. There was no use denying it. Emma nodded slowly, _whatever else was on the go. _"I wasn't addicted, Emma, they're not addictive." Jenny was quick to add, a slight tremor in her voice. Emma nodded again, this time less hesitantly. She reached across and squeezed her girlfriend's hand. Jenny was trying to tell her she didn't lose control. Emma loved Jenny wholeheartedly, but it didn't mean she couldn't see her flaws. Everyone had them, and Jenny's was that she couldn't be seen to lose control. She used to think it was linked with her fear of judgement and failure, living under the pressure of such high expectation, a child having to function in an adult world. But ever since Jenny's night with Ben, Emma had begun to see her differently. She lost control that night. She was hurting so she tried to make herself forget. She wanted to forget something so badly she tried to completely saturate every one of her senses with sex and drink. Jenny wasn't afraid of what others would think if she relinquished control, she was afraid of what _she'd_ do. Jenny was afraid of herself and their trip to London was only reaffirming that in Emma's head. She couldn't imagine what kind of lifestyle Jenny had lived growing up, her father with his work and her involvement in that, her as a child star; being introduced to the harsh realities and vices of the world at far too young an age. Emma could almost understand how her girlfriend had ended up underage, wasting her youth in London's clubs. She couldn't judge her. All she could do is support her and be thankful. Thankful that whatever Jenny had lived through, it had brought her to Emma and made her who she was in Emma's eyes. Crafted her into the woman Emma loved.

The blonde leaned forward and captured the brunette's lips with a firm, lingering kiss. "Whatever you were," she murmured against Jenny's lips, "I don't care. I really don't." She kissed her once more. "I am, however, famished," she grinned.

The girls gathered their things and made the short walk back to Leicester Square station to hop back on the Northern Line and up to Camden Town. The Underground was a little quieter now and they both easily found a seat, neither of them waiting for lunch as they decided to split a Lion Bar. Disembarking off the huge escalators, they made their way through the ticket barriers and walked towards the Lock that operated on Regent's Canal, popping into various side shops on the way. Several times on their journey Jenny had to dissuade Emma from buying _I Heart London_ t-shirts for everyone in S.T.A.G, reasoning that if she must, she could most certainly find somewhere cheaper than Camden to buy them.

After a lunch of Argentinean food both girls just and so managed to struggle to their feet again and headed further into the Lock. They skimmed vintage bookshops, flicked through vinyls and scoured the bric-a-brac. You named it, Camden Lock Market had it. Most of their time was spent in the vintage clothes shops, gathering piles of clothes over their arms and bundling into the poorly constructed changing rooms, which often consisted of a section of the shop partitioned off with the use of flattened cardboard boxes and gaffer tape. Emma giggled as Jenny plonked an ancient fedora on her head. "Here's looking at you kid," she quipped before placing a quick kiss on the blonde's lips. A second later and she had shrugged off her baggy jumper, grabbing the brown jumpsuit Emma had picked out for her and holding it up against her. "You think I can pull it of?" she asked, brow raised with scepticism.

Emma rolled her eyes, "You can pull anything off."

"I know," she said with a wink, causing Emma to scoff with laughter. In an instant Jenny had removed her leggings and started to mark short work on her vest when she froze. She brought it back down over her head, restoring her view of the blonde and instantly found herself grinning. She'd broken her. Jenny was pretty sure she'd broken her girlfriend. Emma was motionless before her, not even a flush played on her cheeks. Her mouth hung open ever so slightly, her eyes a little wider than usual and Jenny was pretty sure Emma had lost use of most of her motor functions too. All in all, Jenny thought, her undressing had been a success. She decided to pick up where she left off and remove the entire garment.

This was the most undressed she'd ever been in front of Emma. Being undressed in front of people was never really something that had irked her. She was used to it, whether she was changing for a show or performance or changing with the volleyball team, but having Emma's eyes on her; that was different. She could see her girlfriend's brown orbs slowly come back to life and start to roam over her body. It seemed as if her skin would tingle wherever the blonde's gaze fell, and she began to shiver ever so slightly in what could have only been anticipation. She wanted more than just Emma's eyes on her. She wanted soft kisses and hard bites, ragged breaths and desperate tastes. Jenny felt her cheeks flush a little at the thought and her knees went weak as a flash of pleasure ignited in her stomach. She held out her hand to Emma serenely, a hand which Emma took, and she drew her girlfriend to her. Their lips crashed together and instantly Emma's hands were on Jenny's bare skin; running gently but urgently across her shoulder blades and down to the small of her back, round her hips and across her ticklish stomach, sending burning trails as she went. To her surprise Jenny felt forceful hands on her hips, encouraging her backwards and pressing her up against one of the two solid walls of the changing room. Emma's lips seemed to be everywhere at once, on the flushed skin of her neck, across the top of her shoulders, down to her collarbone, teasing her swollen lips. Jenny's hands gripped Emma's belt, trying to pull her nearer, closer too her, as her hips began to rock against her girlfriend's like they had a life of their own. She knew this wasn't the best idea she'd ever had, although it certainly wasn't the worst, but Jenny was letting the lust for Emma that consumed almost one hundred percent of her time cloud her judgement. But she wanted her. And she had her right where she wanted, but not really right where she wanted her. Jenny gasped with surprise at her girlfriend's confidence as she felt hot kisses paint her chest with little strawberry coloured marks, and as exploring hands found their way to her breasts, kneading and teasing her nipples through the sheer material there. Jenny's hips bucked and her head flew back painfully against the wall but she didn't care. She was beyond caring. One of Emma's hands ran from just below her hip, tentatively round the curve of her bottom and settled at the top of her thigh, gripping the flesh there, lifting her ever so slightly and raising her onto her tip toes momentarily to allow the blonde to find her rightful position between her thighs. They began to rock together slowly in unison, Jenny gripping desperately at Emma's shirt, clenching and unclenching her fists, as Emma's hip pressed perilously against her.

"Is the changing room free?" came a distinctly English voice from just outside the flimsy cardboard construction. The two girls jumped apart instantly, eyes wide, hearts beating even faster than they were before.

"One minute," Jenny managed before quickly going to gather her recently discarded clothes. Emma decided to help by trying to dress Jenny in clothes that weren't in fact hers, but instead were items previously tried on and left on the floor of the changing room. Jenny stopped for a second and shot her a look that said, _seriously_? Emma shrugged. She felt she'd been caught and she was panicking. _What was she thinking?_ She'd never just lost control of herself like that before. In all fairness Jenny had been in quite a state of undress, and once she'd reached out her hand, there was nothing that could have come in between Emma and the need for her to touch her and taste her, especially now that everything that had made the last few days so trying had begun to fade away. Today had been theirs, and so far it had been pretty perfect. They'd been alone, and for the first time Emma felt like she'd had Jenny to herself without expectation, pressure or insecurities running rife in her mind. For a brief moment Jenny's parents, the funeral, Erika – they'd all seemed a million miles away. And Emma had loved it.

They stumbled out of the cardboard construction and grinned sheepishly at the ironically trendy couple waiting outside. They could only muster a weak smile in return. _Tossers_, Jenny thought as she approached the cash desk, and realised that the man behind it was desperately trying to rid his face of a knowing look. She looked over at Emma, who was red cheeked and still wearing the fedora from before. She smiled openly. She had to admit, her girlfriend looked pretty damn good in that hat. Irresistible some might say. It certainly seemed to fill her with a newfound confidence, one Jenny would definitely like to see more of. She grinned with satisfaction and took the hat from Emma's head, laying it on the counter. "Well take it."


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: London's Calling - Chapter 12**

**Author: thraikios (MuchMoreRetro)**

**Pairing: Emma Muller / Jenny Hartmann (Hand aufs Herz)**

**Rating: M**

**Summary: Jenny has to return to London for a funeral of a family friend and Emma has to come to terms with who her girlfriend was before Cologne. **

**Word Count: 4, 218.**

**Disclaimer: I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things**

**Author's Note: Okay guys. London's Calling is back. Sorry it's been such a long time coming. I've been pretty busy with recording my music. By the time my next chapter is up my facebook page should have some recordings available on so I'll link it on here if you're interested. Many thanks again to my amazing betas sones502 and of course Spoony. Again shows English dialogue. And your comments, as always, are muchly appreciated. Thank you guys for being so patience. hope you enjoy.**

Dragging Emma out of the shop, Jenny quickly rounded the corner and headed into a book stall a few lots down. It wasn't enclosed like the previous store, but seemed to occupy the space towards the back of this small section of the indoor market. There were stack upon stacks of books, many piled up high to the low ceiling, creating small little papery enclaves.

Jenny ushered Emma into a quiet, secluded stack and accosted her with her lips, pressing her back into one of the shelves causing it to wobble perilously, but not topple. She felt Emma hesitate a little against her, "Jenny, wh-"

The brunette silenced her girlfriend with another forceful kiss, one hand gripping at the material of Emma's shirt, while the other ran through soft blond hair. She soon felt the blonde relent and sigh, and she smiled a little before breaking their kiss and gently resting her forehead against her girlfriend's. Although very close and out of focus, Jenny could see Emma's mouth unsuccessfully trying to form words. She laughed a little and gave her girlfriend another very brief but firm kiss. "I just wasn't finished, that was all," Jenny explained, hoping Emma would understand. Her words were met with a smile and a small nod.

"Finished in your attempt to get us caught?" Emma teased.

"My attempt?" Jenny gasped in faux horror and drew back from her girlfriend. "My attempt? I'm lucky I didn't end up with another casualty to yet another item of my clothing!" A flush prickled Emma's cheeks and she couldn't help as the corners of her mouth rose into the beginnings of a grin. "Come on, we have to get to Victoria, tout de suite, tout de suite." Jenny's hand found Emma's again and before the blonde had a chance to respond she was being led through the maze of Camden Lock market once more, through various smells and sounds; leather and spices, market callers and musicians all overrunning her senses.

Both girls shielded their eyes as they emerged from the market and back onto street level into the bright British Summer sunlight. Jenny wanted Emma to see as much of London in the short amount of time they had available to them, so she suggested they walk from Camden down to Kings Cross, and then take the Tube from there to Victoria. It would only take twenty minutes to get to Kings Cross St Pancras, and Jenny promised Emma it would be worth the visit to see the over ground station, a sight they wouldn't get to see if they were simply taking the Underground.

Jenny and Emma walked hand in hand down Camden High Street. Jenny watched in silence as Emma's eyes danced from one point of interest to another, from The Blues Kitchen, which was just beginning to come to life, to Camden BESTKEBAB and then to the Sainsbury's down the road. A small smile played across Emma's features, so wistful that she probably didn't even realise it was there.

On the left hand side, Jenny glanced up to see KoKo with its domed roof, regal red awning and front terrace which over looked Mornington Crescent Tube station. She tugged on Emma's hand and nodded over to the period building. "I came here a lot," Jenny explained. Emma looked a little confused. "To gigs and Club NME nights and stuff."

"Oh," Emma nodded quietly. "It's beautiful."

"And that's just the outside. The inside is just as amazing. It even has a giant glitter ball up top!"

Emma's eyes lit up with astonishment, "You serious?"

Jenny nodded, grinning. "Deadly serious! We'll go sometime. Find a cool band and just book, yeah?"

Emma smiled widely, practically glowing. "I'd like that."

"Good. Then it's a date," she grinned, absent-mindedly accepting a flyer off one of a few provocatively dressed teenagers positioned outside of the club. She brought it up so she could read it whilst walking. "Let's see... We have Gold Panda?" Jenny raised a speculative eyebrow towards her girlfriend who laughed and shook her head, grabbing the flyer to see for herself.

"Mr Scruff? Oh Morcheeba ar-"

"Jenny Hartmann!" A voice came from behind the two girls, causing Emma to stop mid sentence and Jenny to freeze on the spot, her face suddenly filled with trepidation. "Jenny?"

Jenny sighed. Emma gave her a questioning look but her girlfriend shook her head, letting her know now was not the time or place for another longwinded explanation.

With a quickly pasted on smile, Jenny turned towards the voice. "Matthew, hi! I didn't even realise it was you, have you changed something? You look good." In all honesty, from what Jenny could tell, Matthew hadn't changed one bit. He was still as gaunt as ever. His blond hair, shaved on one side, long enough to tickle his chin on the other, was fine against his papery skin.

"I stopped smoking, gained some weight," he laughed, his watery blue eyes coming to life a little.

Jenny forced herself to laugh, silently doubting if Matthew's body held any ounce of body fat whatsoever. He'd given up smoking, but knowing Matthew's vices, it would probably be the least likely poison he put in his body that was going to kill him. "That must be it," she mustered, her smile never reaching her eyes.

"What are you doing back? I heard you got shipped off again after your trip to hospital." Jenny swallowed. Emma.

"Hospital?" Came the voice at her side.

Jenny shook her head. "It was a rumour." She found Emma's eyes and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. She tried not to panic. The more panicked she became the less convincing she'd be. And just like that, she'd lied to her girlfriend; without even thinking. It was a knee jerk reaction, and her knee had certainly jerked, pretty damn high. Jenny turned to Matthew who looked as if he was expecting an introduction however Jenny did not humour him. She'd already enlightened Emma enough today, and whatever she told her, Jenny wanted it to be on her terms, not anyone else's. And Matthew certainly knew how to run his mouth. "It was just a rumour," she smiled unfalteringly, "But, I did move to Cologne. My father has friends there and I needed a fresh start. I'm back for the funeral."

Matthew blinked, confused. "Funeral?"

"Erika's Dad." Jenny explained.

The sandy haired boy still seemed a little lost. "The Tyrant's dead?" he asked, his eyes lit up.

Now it was Jenny's turn to shake her head in confusion. Tyrant? And why was Matthew smiling? She eyes flared and she grimaced in disapproval. "Stellan passed away a few days ago. Erika is-"

"-Free! Finally." The last word he said with an exaggerated sigh of relief and a roll of the eyes. Something bizarre was going on here. She knew Matthew had always been a little mad, and as tactless as old folk at a Hindu wedding, but she never thought he'd be so heartless. "You two should come out with us, bring your friend too. Hi by the way." He grinned lopsidedly at Emma who gave Jenny a disconcerting sideways glance. She looked confused, worried and was that hurt she saw in her eyes? Jenny took her hand quickly, made their excuses and hurried on down the street to Kings Cross St Pancras, trying to put as much distance between Emma and that particular piece of her old life as possible. Matthew had been a good friend when the drinks were flowing, the music thumping and when you were feeling on top of the world, but Jenny didn't trust him as far as she could throw him. Most of her 'friends' back then had been very much like Matthew. Situational. You had a common interest, and usually that interest was getting as off your face as possible in the shortest amount of time. Outside of that, your friendship didn't mean much, unless you enjoyed reading post-modern, French literature down by the river at Bermondsey on rainy afternoons. Jenny had made the mistake of agreeing to this once when she ended up at Matthew's after a Saturday night out south of the river. They spent hours after discussing the author's motivations and their impact on French New Wave Cinema. Jenny had never had the heart to tell him she was never really a Goddard fan.

After a twenty-minute journey on the Victoria line the girls reached Victoria Station and made the short walk to where their table was booked. Because the show began at 7.30pm an early dinner was in order and Emma found herself to be absolutely starved, even though they'd partaken in a rather hearty meal for lunch. When they rounded the corner onto Beeston Place Emma couldn't quite believe her eyes. Jenny had told her that the establishment was over one hundred years old, and the building much older, but as it came into sight Emma's eyes grew wide. She'd known the restaurant was a five star establishment, and she known she was going to feel underdressed, she'd prepared herself, but she hadn't quite realised how ridiculously grand The Goring was. Jenny was of course dressed, as always, for any occasion. Somehow she would be able to pull off a Camden Lock Market café and a five star restaurant which used to be owned by the Royal Family in one outfit. Emma, unfortunately, could not. She gazed up at the royal blue awning, a pillar on either side, which held The Goring's signage. The building itself was beautiful; the red brick glowed in the early evening sun. Emma peaked inside the large, arched bay windows, catching the silhouettes of diners enjoying a late afternoon tea or an early dinner. Emma knew as soon as she stepped foot in that building, it would officially be the most elegant building she'd ever set foot in, and she was afraid. Afraid of showing Jenny up, afraid of screwing up her English, or ordering something she wasn't familiar with and not being able to eat it, or eating it wrong, using the cutlery backwards, because there was a specific way to use them right? What if this was a test, a test to see if she could mix with Jenny's family and friends, a test to see if she was really good enough to be part of the family, a test to see if she was good enough for Jenny. Erika would be able to do this. Erika would be able to order whatever she wanted from the menu and not bat an eyelid, she'd be able to wear whatever she wanted for any occasion, she'd charm the waitress, charm Jenny's parents, Jenny's friends. Jenny wouldn't be ashamed to introduce Erika to her friends.

Emma felt a tug on her hand. She looked up to find Jenny urging her up the stairs into the building. "Come on," she said with an eager smile. Emma tried to smile in return but the smile never reached her eyes. "What's wrong?"

Emma shook her head. "Nothing," she tried once again, willing her eyes to match her smile. She didn't want Jenny to see her worry. She didn't want Jenny to see her inadequacies even more so than she already did.

"You sure?" Emma nodded and Jenny smiled broadly. "Good. Let's go!"

Dinner was more enjoyable than Emma had been expecting. She knew the food would be good and the service impeccable, but the experience was pleasant too. When they were seated Emma took comfort in the sound of foreign voices. Every other table it seemed was occupied by international visitors, in the country for either business or pleasure. Only two tables away from them sat a German speaking couple, husband and wife. Emma could tell from their accents that the couple were in fact Swiss, but the familiar nuances of their voices in the background went a long way to helping her feel relaxed. Both girls decided to try some traditionally British food and Jenny made some recommendations and described to her what each dish was. They joked that such a setting was befitting of a James Bond movie, and lamented over Hotte not being at the table with them, suited and booted with his bottle cap specs. When it was time for desert, there was a distinct absence of tiramisu but both girls found something as equally delicious to round off the meal with along with their coffees. By the time it was 7.15pm, they were full and merry and walking hand in hand around the corner to the Apollo Theatre, as Jenny pointed to the green tube lighting that spanned the entire theatre and the glistening Wicked emblem above the grand entrance. They hurried across the road with excitement, presented the doorman their tickets, and found their seats just as the curtain came up.

On the train, hurtling towards Kingston, Jenny sat with a tired Emma resting quietly upon her shoulder. She gazed at their reflection, shining back at her in the window. A laugh escaped her. "Well," declared Jenny. "I take it back. Those witches: gay as a window."

As the train pulled into the station Jenny roused a sleepy Emma with gentle kiss on the top of her head and a quiet whisper in her ear. "That was the best show ever."

"You liked it?" Emma nodded against her shoulder, making a satisfied sound. "It was rather spectacular."

"I think we should paint you green," Emma mumbled as they shuffled out onto the platform and made their way through the ticket gates and out onto the high street, Jenny's laughter ringing down the empty platform. It was late but Jenny didn't make the call for Kenneth to come by and pick her and Emma up.

Jenny turned to her girlfriend and smiled, her eyes dancing, "I know you're tired but… I have something I want to show you. It's only a little walk and it's on the way home. Are you up to walking?"

Emma stretched and yawned but nodded sheepishly. "Most definitely," she smiled. With a quick kiss they began their route through the back streets of Kingston, through the park and out across the bridge. Emma recognised the bridge as the one Kenneth had driven them across that very morning to reach the station. She knew that if they carried on left for half a mile they'd reach Jenny's house. Instead Jenny took her to the right. She frowned, puzzled. "I thought you said it was on the way home."

Jenny grinned mischievously. "A lie, just a white lie. Come on, it's only five minutes this way. I promise!" Jenny grabbed her hand once more and dragged her at a quick pace down towards their mysterious destination.

Just as Jenny promised, five minutes down the road they came to a stop opposite a long driveway. She smiled triumphantly. "Here were are."

"And where is that exactly?" Emma asked, a bemused expression on her face. Jenny rolled her eyes and pointed to the sign which proceeded the driveway. Emma screwed up her eyes and struggled to read the words in the darkness. "Tiffin Girls' School?"

Jenny nodded. "Yep."

"This was your school?" Emma asked, sudden interest in her voice.

"Uh huh. Fancy taking a quick look? The caretaker will easily be in bed by now if it's still Gavin."

Emma frowned a little, her arms flapping a little at her sides. "Are we allowed?"

"Of course we're allowed," Jenny took her girlfriend's hand once more and began to lead her down the drive. "We've donated enough money to this place over the years."

"That doesn't sound like a legitimate reason."

"Emma," Jenny stopped abruptly, "We'll be five minutes. You only live once. And when are you going to be back here? Come on." She pressed a quick kiss against Emma's lips and continued up the drive pulling her flailing girlfriend behind her.

Soon they came upon the main building which was a mixture of redbrick and modern, white aluminium. Jenny pointed out the two wings which extended from either side of the main foyer. She explained how in 2003 a fire had destroyed a lot of the building; so much of the old had been replaced with a lot of new. They now strolled at a more leisurely pace, Emma having calmed down after not being chased off the property by a pack of raving bloodhounds. "Over here is the music and drama department, just in that building there? You'd love it in there. There's a drama studio, a lot of graduates from here go into acting. And more recently they added a music studio, about a year before I left actually."

"A studio?" Emma asked with amazement, her eyes wide.

"A studio. We could record or just play. As I said, you'd love it. That's where we pretty much spent most of our time at school, in that building. Ate our lunches there, took our breaks there, hung out after school there. "

"You and Erika?"

"Yeah. She's awful at music but she liked to hear me sing."

"I can't blame her." Emma smiled. "Seems like a lovely school. Seems like you enjoyed it here."

"I did. Which is why I wanted you to see it. You know? This whole, taking the things that are mine and making them ours. I think it's important."

Emma nodded earnestly. "It is. I appreciate it." Emma paused for a moment, considering her next words carefully. She took a steadying breath, "Maybe after all this you should meet my parents, come to mine, I mean, it's not grand or anything, nothing like the Bergm-."

"That would be perfect," Jenny beamed.

"Really?" Emma asked, anxiously, her shoulders raised a little.

"Really," Jenny confirmed, a loving smile playing on her features. "Come one. Let's go. Home's still ten minutes away and I'm tired."

"You're tired?" Emma protested in mock outrage as the girls made their way back to the main road and right, back towards Jenny's house, "You're tired?"

Tap. Tap... Jenny rolled over in her sleep. Tap. A sharp, familiar noise, like flint striking flame, pierced her consciousness. Tap… tap… Jenny woke with a start, a quiet Emma sleeping soundly next to her. Her eyes instantly moved to the window where she could just make out a person's silhouette through the darkness. She knew it well even if the last time she'd seen it had been almost a year previous. Why is she here? It must have been well into the early hours of the morning.

Adjusting to the darkness, Jenny could now make out her face, grim in the moonlight. Their eyes met. Something was wrong. She tapped the window again, more insistently this time. Jenny gritted her teeth and slipped out of bed, shuffling sleepily over to the window. Trying not to make too much noise, she eased the window open and her guest slinked in. "About time," she said stoically.

"Shut the fuck up," Jenny hissed. "Get out here." She grabbed a chunk of Erika's shirt and dragged her through her bedroom and out onto the landing, pulling the door shut behind her.

Emma started awake at the click of a closing door. She felt to Jenny's side of the bed instinctually but frowned when all she found there was recently discarded sheets. The spot where Jenny had been lying was still warm, she must have just got up to fetch a glass of water or go to the bathroom, Emma thought.

The light from the landing shone under the door and through into the darkness of Jenny's room. Shadows made patterns in the light which Emma guessed to be movement just outside the door. As the fog of sleep left her, she could make out voices, angry voices speaking in hushed tones. Emma frowned. One was Jenny's, she knew instantly, even though she was speaking fluent English. The other voice, a woman's, she wasn't familiar with but it was far more anglicised than Jenny's.

"I didn't know he didn't know about your father!"

"He's not supposed to know. None of them are. Thanks to you, now they do. Matthew's called me four times. I've had texts from Elenor, Jade, and one from Dug asking if I'll 'fix him up."

"Well aren't you going to?"

"No! Of course I'm not going to! Do you know how hard I've worked at this Jenny? How hard I've worked to stay away from these people? They call him The Tyrant. Did you know that? Because he wouldn't let me out of the house for three months. But he was protecting me from them. Protecting me from what you started."

"Jesus Christ, Erika, grow a backbone."

"Are you serious? Grow a backbone? Do you hear yourself sometimes? Get down from your fucking high horse for a moment. You got to escape, I got stuck here. I had to work to stop using. I had to cut myself off from all my friends, whilst you got to go to Cologne and make new ones. My dad gave me the one defence I had, I could blame him and hide behind him. And now I can't any longer, now they'll come right back and sink their teeth into me again. But it's okay for you. After the funeral, you can go back to Germany with your girlfriend."

"So this is what this is really about…"

"No, it isn't. This is about me trying to turn my life around. A life which, by the way, you poisoned. I'm not saying I haven't made bad choices, I'm not saying your overdose wasn't my fault, believe me, I've had months to think on it. But don't come back here and expect me to be the same person you left behind. I'm clean now. And I did it for myself, the hard way. Don't come back here and think you're better than me."

There was a silence, Emma could hear angry, heavy breathing coming from out on the landing. The girl outside was Erika. This was THE Erika. And she was here, now. Emma felt a cold breeze play across her neck. She pulled the covers up around her and glanced to the window. It was open. She'd come in through the window. Her window. She heard Jenny's voice again from the landing.

"You're right." She sounded defeated but earnest. "I don't, I'm sorry. I should be proud of you, I AM proud of you. You've done what I couldn't. And this is my fault. Everything: the drugs the parties. I started it. I started it all. I'll call Matthew, tell him to back off. And Dug and the others."

"No, it's fine. I can handle it."

"If you can handle it, why did you come here?"

"I was angry."

"Of course you were." Emma could here Jenny laugh quietly now.

"And I needed to say a few things. You needed to know about me being clean now."

A different voice entered the fray; a sleep ridden voice. Emma recognised it as Jenny's father, Rolf. "Girls. Quiet down. Erika, it's past your bedtime. Get home or your father will have my head."

Emma heard a sigh from Erika. "Yes Mr. Hartmann. Sorry for waking you."

"Sorry," came Jenny's voice, "He must still be asleep."

"No matter. Better than him being awake and physically removing from the house. But, he's right, I should go. I'll see you on Monday."

"Yes. If there's anything you or your mum needs, let me know okay?"

"Thanks, but I think we'll be okay. Just try not to wear black. It's such a dour colour."

"I'll try."

"I'll let myself out."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"'Night."

Emma heard quick footstep descend the stairs as a light flooded the room. She lay still with her eyes closed as her girlfriend moved to shut the open window and then sunk back into bed beside her. Jenny was proud of Erika, proud of her. Jenny wasn't even proud enough of Emma to introduce her to Matthew, who sounded like a complete and utter low life. The girl woke her in the middle of the night, barged into her home and laid into her yet she still said a pleasant goodnight and let her leave through the front door. Jenny had always reassured her that it was really over with Erika, hadn't she? She thought about the first time Jenny had told Emma about her, back at the Bergmanns', the day Jenny first left for London. When Emma had said Jenny was taken and to make sure Erika knew it, Jenny had told her that Rolf would never let Erika near Jenny again. Well, a bang up job he was doing of that! She never said that SHE would avoid Erika. Jenny had said she loved her like she loved no one else, but she didn't say she loved only Emma. And if Jenny truly wanted to keep her past in the past, she wouldn't even have come back to London. She would have stayed on Cologne with Emma instead of bringing her to a place where she obviously didn't belong.

A place where she'd overdosed, been to hospital; a place where she nearly died. And Erika said it herself, it was Erika's fault.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: London's Calling - Chapter 13**

**Author: thraikios (MuchMoreRetro)**

**Pairing: Emma Muller / Jenny Hartmann (Hand aufs Herz)**

**Rating: M**

**Summary: Jenny has to return to London for a funeral of a family friend and Emma has to come to terms with who her girlfriend was before Cologne. **

**Word Count: Who knows? About 7,700.**

**Disclaimer: I own too much stuff but unfortunately HaH isn't one of those things**

**Author's Note: Sorry this has taken so long. Thank you to everyone for your continuing support. Thank you to Sones for your amazing beta work, my brain twin! What would I do without you? I'm not putting in special symbols for English and German this time. I think y'all can work it out.**

Jenny pulled at her dress, nervously. It had fit perfectly the other day in the store, so why not now? The rebellious material just didn't want to lie flat over her hips and was instantly gathering and riding up around her waist, making some very ungainly arrangements. She huffed a little in frustration and sent her bangs dancing on her hot breath.

The dress was a deep blue, as Jenny was keen to honour Erika's wish for a slightly less sombre occasion, and hung loosely across her shoulders. A band of material brought the dress in and around to hug her waist flatteringly, and the skirt of the dress, was at least supposed to, run smoothly from there to come up just above the knee. The dress was slimming, Jenny thought, and when it sat right she felt good, really good. She wanted to look good. She wanted to look good for Emma, of course. Although often, all Jenny needed to feel good about how she looked was to have Emma by her side.

Caro had informed Jenny many a time that her rather colourful legging collection could have kept the 1980s Euro-pop Movement alive until the early 2000s, but it didn't matter. Emma liked them, or she at least seemed to be quite attracted to her whether she was donning a pair or not. Who she really cared about today however, were Stellan's friends, who were also her family's friends. Not just Stellan's business partners who she'd encountered at the dinner the week previous, but others. Others who knew why she was sent away, others who hadn't seen her since the incident and others whose last memories of her weren't ones of a positive nature. She had to look good, she had to look healthy and above all, she had to look like she was once again one of them and integrally, once again a Hartmann.

Her mother had smiled when Jenny had walked out of the dressing room adorned with the dress she was now frantically trying to smooth down. It was a smile Jenny hadn't seen play on her mother's aging but still beautiful features for many months. A smile a mother reserves for her daughter, a smile Jenny hadn't been graced with since she'd begun her struggle with substance abuse. Her mother had assured her that not only did she look radiant, and of course appropriate, but that she was also the spitting image of her Grandmother on her father's side.

Jenny's Grandmother had passed away just after her overdose, rendering her unable to attend the funeral. She'd insisted she was well enough, but her Father had point blank refused her bid to attend. He'd been shamed by his daughter, was grieving for his mother and Jenny remembered one particular occasion when her Father was visiting her in the hospital and told her that a girl who'd tarnished the Hartmann name in such a way could never think to attend the funeral of Margaret Hartmann. The significance of the compliment that her mother had paid her hadn't gone un-noticed, and neither had the pressure of expectation that came with it.

Two small hands appeared on her hips and squeezed ever so slightly. Jenny's blue eyes found hazel in the mirror as a small blonde just and so appeared over her shoulder. 'Hey,' came a muffled voice, hazel eyes dancing now.

'Hey,' Jenny gave a small smile. She felt a small nibble on her shoulder.

'You look good. Nice even,' Emma said teasingly but Jenny shrugged out of Emma's embrace.

'It's not sitting right, it looked good at the store.'

'And it looks good now,' Emma appealed, catching her girlfriend's arm but once again, Jenny shrugged off the blonde off who grimaced a little, 'Jenny,' she said disparagingly.

'I'm sorry, I'm just a little … tense.' the brunette explained through gritted teeth. Emma nodded sympathetically. Jenny paused for a moment, hands on her hips, hard eyes focused on a spot on the hard wood floor. Eventually Jenny let out a breath Emma didn't realise her girlfriend had been holding. She broke her gaze, looked up and smiled, though there was still a tension in her eyes. 'You look beautiful.'

'Really?' A blush began to creep onto Emma's already rosy cheeks.

'Of course,' Jenny said with a small but genuine smile, 'You should dress up more often.'

'Well I've never owned anything like this before,' the blonde smiled shyly, tugging at the hem of her dress. It was true; Emma had never worn such a garment before in her life. A vivid green, the dress came in at the waste and was complemented by a thin leather belt. With a square neckline and sleeves that came down to just a couple of inches above her elbows, the dress was beautiful, the cut, the colour, all of it. But Emma didn't feel beautiful. She felt uncomfortable, out of place, uninvited. After all, she was only attending the funeral to support Jenny, at Jenny's request. She hadn't known Stellan, she wouldn't be part of this world if she hadn't been Jenny's girlfriend and really, Emma felt very much like an outsider in a world far far above her means. People wouldn't know her. Would they know why she was there, or would they question her presence? She dearly hoped she could just keep her head down and go unnoticed. If no one spoke to her, if no one paid close attention to the order with which she used her cutlery, or held herself, then maybe she could get by. To give them credit, Emma had noticed a definite change in attitude from Jenny's parents since that first night at dinner. Christine had insisted on finding and paying for the very dress Emma was wearing, but would she be wearing it as her daughter's girlfriend from Cologne or would she just be explained away as a friend or an acquaintance from Pestalozzi? Emma was still unsure but she had to be there for Jenny, and she had to prove that she could fit in.

Emma only had one more reservation, and that reservation was Erika. Jenny had assured her that Erika would pay her no heed and even Rolf had said that if Erika was to even approach the two girls he'd have something to say about it, no matter if it were her father's funeral. Under normal circumstances, not that funerals were anywhere near normal circumstance, Emma would think Jenny's father was being far too unsympathetic. Erika had lost her father. In a rather subverted way today was her day, like a Bride. It was her party and she could cry if she wanted to, which was what Emma was afraid of, but the conversation she'd heard a few nights previous had shed new light on the character she knew as Erika. As of yet, they hadn't officially met. They'd never caught a glimpse of each other apart from perhaps a few glancing moments of silhouette when Erika had made her surprise visit under the cover of dark. But what Emma had overheard had changed her opinion of Erika quite literally overnight. She'd tried not to think about it, after all, it was a conversation she wasn't meant to have been privy to. She also didn't like the connotations. Emma's understanding of English was quite good, she knew that, even though when it came to speaking it her actual ability conceded to her apprehension. She still couldn't be sure; however, that she had everything right, nor did she want to jump to conclusions about Erika and she certainly didn't want to jump to conclusions about her Jenny. But she couldn't deny what she'd heard. Maybe she was simply in denial, Emma was almost sure she was, but not thinking about it for the time being was much easier than having to face up to some perhaps painful truths.

She thought she knew everything there was to know about her Jenny. She was brave, opinionated, intelligent, outgoing; everything Emma wasn't. They complimented each other perfectly. It was one of the reasons they worked so well. Jenny brought Emma a newfound confidence and calm that wasn't there before. Emma brought Jenny humility, and a softness that Jenny had thought lost in years previous. So she decided to forget what she'd heard. She'd already learned so much more about her girlfriend over the last few days, she'd seen a new side of Jenny on their trips into _Central_ as she called it. She'd seen a passion for a City that Emma didn't know was there. A nostalgia, a great knowledge, and maybe a desire to be part of it once again. Jenny had never really spoken about London too much, not to her or from what she could tell, anyone else at Pestalozzi. Yes it was a well publicised fact that Jenny had arrived in Cologne from the English Capital, but no more information had ever been given, even when Emma had poked or prodded, and she now knew why. Jenny loved London, and being away was painful for her. Emma now regretted every time she'd pressed Jenny for a story or anecdote from her childhood in London. Jenny hadn't not answered because she was being stubborn or secretive, she hadn't answered because it hurt. But Emma did know one thing, the one thing she couldn't forget. The overdose. Jenny overdosed in London and was sent to Cologne as a consequence. The rather ghostly Matthew, who they'd met whilst in Camden, had spoken of Jenny's_ trip to hospital. _Jenny had shrugged it off as a rumour, but the rumour was in fact true, and that meant that Jenny had lied to her. She could understand things being kept from her, goodness knows Emma kept rather embarrassing events from her past from Jenny's ears; like the incident involving herself, the 2006 World Cup mascot and half the German national side, but something as big as an overdose? Emma didn't know whether she'd be able to keep that from Jenny if it were she. Let alone lie to her about it. Emma was learning there was more to her Jenny than she had ever imagined. So much more that her Jenny was quickly becoming, well, just Jenny. Jenny Hartmann, mystery woman from London England, cold blue eyes and a steely resolve. Takes no prisoners and doesn't entertain fools lightly. It seemed to Emma that she was turning out very much so, to be the fool.

She shook her head and sighed, again, feeling very uncomfortable in her current attire. 'Your mother didn't have to-'

'Her mother wanted to,' came a voice from the door. Jenny's mother looked formidable in a charcoal grey Laura Bush number. 'You look beautiful girls, you really do. In a class of your own.'

'Thank you Mrs. Hartmann,' Emma spoke politely, Jenny just smiled her thanks.

'No need my dear. Now I hope you're all made up and ready to go girls, Kenny's outside with the car.'

Both girls nodded and Christine smiled before heading back downstairs. Emma felt Jenny's hand grasp hers. She gave it a reassuring squeeze and placed a light kiss on Emma's lips. 'You really do look beautiful,' she said, earnestly. The sincerity in Jenny's eyes lifted Emma ever so. She felt her spirits lighten and returned the squeeze to the hand within hers. Emma was unsure of many things after the revelations of the last few days, but one thing she was sure of was Jenny's love for her. When Jenny looked at Emma, she saw beauty, she saw love, and that would be enough to get Emma through the funeral, through her London jaunt and back to Cologne, safely in the arms of the woman she loved.

The funeral was a relatively brief service held at the local crematorium. It really was quite a beautiful setting considering; red brick walls, views out onto the river and river birds swanning in the sun. The drive up to the building itself was lined with honeysuckle and the sweet smell drifted through Kenny's open window and tickled Emma's nose. Once in the pews Jenny grasped Emma's hand once again but kept her eyes trained ahead of her. After the Minister had spoken Rolf was invited up to say a few words. He hadn't spoken a word in the car. His cold blue eyes were stormy, his steely reticence very much still intact, irrespective of what day it was. But when he was on that pulpit in Kingston Crematorium, Emma saw a different man to the one whose roof she'd been living under for the last week. He'd smiled a sad but gracious smile as he thanked the congregation for attending. His words were warm and genuine as he spoke to how pleased Stellan would have been to see so many loyal friends and family in attendance. His eyes danced as he recounted and reminisced stories of old, anecdotes of his and Stellan's time together. He spoke of how they'd been Best Man at each other's weddings, of how Stellan had delivered one of the worst wedding speeches of all time; one that consisted of murmurings, slurring and even fewer words on account of the multiplicity of spirits he'd been slugging since the ceremony had ended. His eyes turned downward as he spoke of the most recent months of their friendship, regret evident from his words and even more evident in his voice. Rolf then extended his deepest sympathies to Antonella, who Jenny had informed Emma was Stellan's widow, and spoke of how he'd left behind a beautiful, intelligent and free spirited daughter. He spoke of a Father who, with all of his work obligations and all the worries and troubles that came with being so successful at what he did, still found time for his daughter when she needed him the most. To him, Stellan was a stellar businessman with a warm heart, a loving husband and a supportive father. He was a role model and a brother.

Emma looked forward a couple of rows in front of her and observed the bowed heads, noses being blown and tears being shed. The Hartmanns were sat behind the family, and Emma had her first daytime sighting of Erika. She knew instantly which head belonged to the _beautiful, intelligent and free spirited_ girl, it was the head held high. No tears, no tissues. Emma thought that intelligent and free spirited might have been another way of saying stubborn and opinionated. From what Emma could see, Erika's dark brown hair was unruly and unkempt in such a way that was very fashionable and most definitely purposeful. It was only a few inches longer than the blonde's. Emma couldn't catch her face but got a brief glimpse of Erika's profile when she rose rather unexpectedly to whisper a few words of thanks to Rolf as he made his way back to his pew. Any animosity between them was gone just for a moment as Rolf gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and a good squeeze on the shoulder. Erika was dressed in a blue and white striped cotton shirt and a pair of navy trousers; a blue blazer was hung over the back of her pew. Her face was softer than Emma had expected, her complexion a pale olive and her features feminine. She was attractive the blonde thought. Emma never really looked at girls except Jenny but she could see what Jenny might have seen in Erika. And she was strong, her shoulders were back her head held high and her cheeks not tear stained like the rest of her party's. In a strange way, Emma thought, Erika was now the Man of the House, head of the family and it was clear that Erika thought the same. She was being strong for her family, and Emma admired that. But what did that mean for Emma? If Erika regained her position of favour, what did that mean for Emma?

Wakes were awkward affairs. Jenny had been to a fair amount in her time. If one of her father's colleagues passed away, every member of the Hartmann family was expected to be in attendance. This one was no different. Close family and friends mixing with business partners and acquaintances. Jenny was usually just an acquaintance, one of the many who hovered apprehensively around the edges of the room, not wanting to mix with the real mourners in fear of being made to feel intrusive or uninvited. Today she was one of them. A mourner.

Noticing a small glass of sparkling white wine had been placed in her hand, Jenny glanced up to find Emma sheepishly nosing her own wine, scrunching her dainty features as the effervescing bubbles ticked her nose. She felt a small smile tug on the corners of her mouth, despite the sombre occasion. Despite _everything_, Emma could still bring some light to Jenny's heart and bring a smile to her face.

Emma looked up and gave a slightly embarrassed smile. 'Sparkling wine seems a little bad taste don't you think?'

'Not in these circles. An occasion isn't an occasion without a decent Chablis.'

The blonde glanced around dizzily at the soirée and felt as if it were engulfing her. It turned out that for some of the attendees, a funeral was just another excuse to purchase that new dress they'd had their eyes on, just another opportunity to impress, and Emma supposed that perhaps Jenny and herself weren't much different themselves, apart from the fact that for Jenny and Emma, it was only each other's opinions they cared about.

Emma let her gaze fall, her eyes following the subtle shape of Jenny's collar bone, ending at the swell of her breasts, modestly covered in a rich, royal blue. They trailed down, past her slim, petite waste to the curve of her hip. Emma smiled slightly to herself. Just as before, the material that adorned Jenny's hips was beginning to ride up and was gathering just a little at her waste. Emma didn't care of course. To her, Jenny was a vision in blue. And really it didn't matter, whatever outfit Jenny donned and for whatever occasion, it was what was underneath that mattered. Soft, smooth, inviting skin. That's what mattered. Not bunched material, no gatherings around the hips, just perfection, pure perfection.

Emma smiled more candidly now, wake be damned, and tore her gaze away from Jenny's delightful curves. 'Jenny, your dress is...', but before Emma could finish her sentence Jenny's wine glass was pushed into the blonde's hand and the brunette's now-empty hands went to her dress, flattening and pulling, eyes filled with what Emma could have sworn was panic. _ I've upset her, I've said the wrong thing. Jenny must have been hung up on her dress. Shit, shit, shit!_

'Jenny, I didn't mean to...', Emma began to panic now too. How could she make this right? She hadn't even said the word _dress _but Jenny had known. Had her gaze lingered too long? Had her heart been thinking one thing but her eyes saying something completely different? 'Jenny,' Emma held her hands out, appealing to her girlfriend with two glasses of bubbly, 'Jenny you look-'

'Absolutely breathtaking,' a voice came up from behind. A familiar voice. A voice Emma had heard previously, just a few nights before on Jenny's landing. Jenny smiled. Was that a blush forming on Jenny's cheek? Emma couldn't say.

'Thank you,' Jenny spoke politely with a nod of her head, averting her gaze from both of the short and even shorter haired women in front of her. And it was then that Emma understood. The panic over the dress, the frantic smoothing of material, even the way Jenny was standing; back straight, chest out, they were all for Erika's benefit. Emma had been wrong. Emma wasn't the only one Jenny was concerned about looking good for. Emma wasn't the only one at all, and with that knowledge her heart crashed to the floor.

'You must be Emma'. She was being spoken to in German. Emma felt light headed as she tried to draw her attention back to reality, a reality which all of a sudden had become far too real for her liking.

'Emma?' she heard Jenny say after a few moments of no response. The blonde's eyes snapped round to meet a bemused set of green ones. A hand was extended towards her own, a hand attached to a blue sleeve, a blue sleeve of a remarkably similar hue to that of Jenny's dress. She looked up into those eyes again, eyes which were practically dancing with amusement, and felt a blush appear on her own cheeks as she glanced down to the extended hand once more and then to her own, Chablis filling both right and left. She needed hands, and she needed them now. She tried her best to flash a friendly smile, desperately trying to earn herself some time. 'Jenny, could you...?' Jenny relieved Emma of the two glasses of bubbly, her eyes veiled now. Emma thought she saw a flash of disappointment in them. Disappointment in Emma, or disappointment in herself, Emma couldn't say. And if Jenny was disappointed in herself was it because she fussed on Erika's approach, or was it because she got caught doing so?

Too many thoughts were racing through Emma's brain, none of them constructive or helpful considering the situation she found herself in, but knowing that certainly didn't make it any easier to stop their dizzying bombardment of her brain. She needed to shut them off and quick. She put all her effort into one thing and one thing only. She needed to speak English.

'Hi, yes, I'm Emma. I'm very sorry for your loss, but it's wonderful to finally meet you. It's a shame it couldn't be under happier circumstances'. She'd done it. She looked down to find her hand was now firmly in Erika's, shaking away. Erika blinked. Emma's English had the desired effect. She'd thought about this moment for the last few days. The moment they'd meet. What would she do when she met Jenny's ex, what would she say, how would she show Erika that she had just as much right to Jenny as Erika did? She had to be on the same level, and that meant speaking English. Not for any other reason other than she didn't want to be catered to. She wanted to prove that she could come amongst these people and operate as effectively as anyone else could. No exceptions would be made to accommodate her. She wasn't going to be like the English tourist who travels the world and makes the assumption that everyone would and should speak English to him. The only problem was, the one thing Emma found more nerve wracking than standing up in front of scores of people and performing was speaking English to a person who speaks it natively and fluently.

Erika sniffed a little. Was she impressed? Emma couldn't tell. The brunette smiled though. 'So Jenny mentioned me then?' Usually a question such as that would be completely and unequivocally loaded, but Erika's tone was true.

'No, not really,' Emma shrugged. 'Not until your father passed away. Again, I'm very sorry.'

'No, no need to apologise. But I am grateful. Thank you,' she nodded and smiled kindly.

Something must have caught Erika's eye within the depths of the room behind Emma because a second later she had excused herself and had disappeared within the sea of well dressed mannequins. Emma heaved a sigh of relief. Perhaps Erika had spotted Rolf and thought it better to flee than risk talking to Jenny any longer. Emma secretly hoped so. Of all the scenarios that Emma had run through her head, all the eventualities, none had been as painless as that. 'Why did you speak English to her?' Jenny hissed in her ear, quickly pulling her thoughts back to the outskirts of the room.

Emma frowned in confusion. 'What?'

'English. Why?'

The blonde shook her head in wonderment. 'Because we're in England.'

'She'll see this as a challenge,' Jenny said animatedly under her breath. She was practically seething and it sparked a flame in Emma. She was trying, trying so hard to do the right thing, to not put a foot out of place. She'd smiled when appropriate, nodded when appropriate, spoken when appropriate. Nothing was right. Apparently, she was the one provoking Erika, provoking her through politeness, provoking her by making an effort. Emma gritted her teeth as images of Jenny fixing her dress for Erika, and not her, flooded back into her mind. Behaviour like that is what would really provoke Erika. Knowing that Jenny strives to look good for her, whether it be to show her what she's missing or show her what a big mistake she made it didn't make a difference. Behaviour like that is what would provoke.

'The only challenge she's seen today is you in that dress.' Jenny's face fell and Emma realised immediately that she was in hot water. Jenny began to turn away. 'I just wanted to fit in!' Emma appealed, her hand reaching for Jenny.

'Well you don't fit in, do you?' Jenny's face was flushed with anger but her voice quiet, remembering where they were. Her eyes flashed dangerously. It was Emma's face that fell now. She had tried, strived so hard to make everything work, to please Jenny's parents, to fit in with Jenny's lifestyle, but it was no use. She didn't fit. Her efforts went unappreciated, unseen. Would people like this take much notice of her anyway, however loud she yelled at them to SEE her? It was too much and she was done trying. Emma turned on her heel and made her way to the exit, she needed some air, she needed to clear her mind, she needed quiet.

'That's the point though!' Jenny called after her. But it was too late, Jenny had lost Emma in the cacophony of social climbers, philanthropists and entrepreneurs. She shook her head a spoke softly to herself. 'That's why I love you'.

Jenny could have kicked herself. How could she have been so stupid? She knew what Emma was afraid of. She was afraid of it herself. Jenny knew how to felt to be constantly working for someone's approval, knew how it felt to constantly work for it but never get it. Jenny wanted to go after the she woman she loved, to make things right, but then thought better of it. For one, things were never that easy, and secondly, trying to talk to Emma when she was as emotional as she was at that moment was like trying to speak to Dr Jekyll when addressing Mr Hyde. She'd wait until her girlfriend got her thoughts under control, then they'd talk, rationally, or as rationally as possible considering who she'd be conversing with.

Jenny could also guarantee her girlfriend would be somewhere hidden in the ladies toilets. Jenny thought back to the last time she went to make peace with a crying Emma Muller in the ladies, it hadn't ended well for her to say the least. So she left it. She emptied her glass and she left it.

Jenny nervously straightened her dress once more. She was on edge. On edge because of Emma, on edge because of Erika. She needed another drink. Making her way to the drinks table she was confronted by the remnants of a great monument, the great glass pyramid of champagne glasses had been pillaged and reduced to rubble, erased from the history books and our memories by an alcohol induced haze. What was once something so grand and splendid, had been reduced to a mere memory, lost in the bottom of a glass.

Jenny smiled as she found an untouched glass amongst the empties, a diamond in the rough. Her smile grew as she realised that that's exactly what Emma was to her. A gleaming beacon of hope. When Jenny had left London for Cologne she had been miserable, and rightly so. She'd had her life stripped from her. Her best friend, the girl she loved, her privileged life. She'd even missed her family. Jenny hadn't liked Cologne. She'd tried all the bars, visited all the trendy hang outs and restaurants, all the clubs and art galleries and boutique shopping areas but nothing seemed as vibrant or alive as London. Jenny often thought, but would never really accept or admit it to be true, that Cologne didn't seem as vibrant or alive as London to her because she was sober in the German City. But then she'd met Emma, beautiful, pure, innocent Emma. She was Jenny's diamond in the rough, her beacon of light in the dark, new city of Cologne, a city which she now gladly called home. All because of Emma.

Raising the glass to her lips, Jenny took a short sip of the quickly flattening liquid. Almost in the same instant a hard knock into her back sent Jenny careening forward, only just managing to catch herself from falling by using her free hand to steady herself on the table in front of her, the other hand still holding a now empty glass of Chablis. The contents of said glass was now quickly soaking through her dry clean only dress.

'Hey! What do you think you're...' Jenny turned to face the perpetrator, eyes filled with wrath, only to see that they were marching away from her at break-neck speed. No apology, no offer to pay for the dry cleaning, nothing. Jenny wasn't going to let that slide, not after backing down from a fight with Emma. Her dress had cost a fortune, and her time in Cologne had taught her a rather modest appreciation for money. Her time with Emma, and occasions like the one they were in current attendance of, especially threw some light on the huge wealth gap that, without Jenny's trip to hospital, would have most definitely kept them apart. Not only that but Jenny had a rather uncomfortable damp patch forming which started just above her left breast and had managed to spread quickly to just below her navel. An apology was definitely in order, especially considering the occasion. It was only polite. Who storms out of a wake? Apart from her girlfriend of course, but that wasn't so much a storm as it was a desperate escape. Jenny looked from her ruined dress to the door of the function room through which the suspect was now hurriedly exiting. Jenny's eyes went wide with realisation upon seeing the small, suited and booted figure of her ex-girlfriend making just as hurried escape as her current one. Who storms out of a wake? Only family. Maybe it was just Jenny's taste in women.

'Erika! Where do you think you're going? Look at my dress!' Jenny stormed after her friend, calling from behind but Erika was already out the door into the foyer. Jenny quickly made up the ground and flung the door open to find an enraged brunette pacing back and forth, fists clenching and unclenching, pulling at her hair and thrashing at the air. She was behaving like a child, Jenny thought. People were here to pay their respects to her father and she was acting like a brat. Although part of Jenny knew that not everyone here was here for Stellan. A good few were here for themselves, but Antonella needed support and her daughter making a scene like this would most definitely be making the day even harder for her. 'Erika?'

Erika fell still, her eyes to the floor, hands by her sides. In an instant green eyes were on Jenny. 'Trust Jenny Hartmann to really get to the crux of the matter. Yes, let's talk about your dress. My deepest sympathies. How are you possibly coping? Not too bad I hope. You really are a shining example for all of us, so dignified in your grief.' Her words word laced with sarcasm and much more than a hint of venom.

Jenny ignored her. She knew how cruel Erika could be when she was hurting, this wasn't the first time she'd been on the receiving end of a speech like that. 'What's going on Erika?', she asked calmly.

'Nothing,' the girl shrugged, 'I have a free pass today. I can be upset. It's my party and all that.'

'You absolute brat.'

'Me a brat? Can you hear yourself? Look at you!' Erika said with a bitter laugh, 'You look like a drunk's pissed on you whilst you were passed out.'

'Fuck you!'

'I'm leaving.'

Jenny growled in frustration, she wasn't going to let Erika provoke her into letting her leave. 'No you're not,' Jenny tried once more. 'What's happened?'

'These people aren't here for me Jenny, they not even here for my Father. I don't need to be here. They're here for themselves. It's another chance for them to dress up, brag about who they're wearing, swap business cards and vie for position. A chance to vie for my Father's position! Vile people,' Erika said shaking her head. In fact, as Jenny took a few steps closer to Erika she could see that her whole body was shaking. Not with anger or frustration but with grief.

Erika turned away from Jenny, hiding her eyes. 'He's been in the ground not five minutes-'

'He was cremated,'

'-And they're already asking me about his will and who has what rights and deeds. Will I inherit the company or will my mother be the main shareholder? Am I of age or do I need to turn twenty one? Can they help me? Do anything for me? Robin has a penthouse over looking Monaco, there's a meet there next week. And of course I'm more than welcome to visit for the Formula One, bring that beautiful girlfriend of yours. Jennifer is looking absolutely stunning today. So much like her mother.' Erika looked back to Jenny, green eyes meeting blue, desperate eyes meeting sympathetic ones. 'A year ago we were an embarrassment jenny. This year we're desirable. I'm desirable. It's disgusting. This isn't me Jenny,' Erika appealed, 'This isn't me at all. You know me. I feel like you're the only one who does, and now he's gone whilst you left a long time ago, fuck!' Erika called out, so much pain in her voice, her head in her hands once more and Jenny's heart bled for her. Jenny remembered the things people would say about Erika and her, the way her father treated her was a reflection of that. To him they were an embarrassment, just like Erika said, however much love he had for the girls.

Erika's shoulders began to rise and fall quickly and Jenny realised that the girl was crying. 'Hey,' Jenny reached out but the shorter girl shrugged her off. 'Hey, come here, come on.' Jenny grasped Erika firmly by the arm this time and drew her into a fierce embrace. 'I'm sorry baby, I really am. I shouldn't have left you by yourself,' Jenny ran her hands soothingly across Erika's back like a mother would sooth a child. 'But you've done so well without me, you're stronger now and I'm so proud of you. Just because two people love each other, it doesn't mean they're good for each other. We hurt each other, I hurt you SO much.'

'But we're different now,' Erika whispered, the shorter girl's hot breath tickling Jenny's neck as they stayed, held tightly in each other's arms. 'We're clean, both of us. We've grown, we've changed. In two years I'll be the main shareholder of the company, I could... we could,' Erika was clutching at straws, not only was she grieving her father, but she was still grieving the loss of Jenny, she was still grieving their relationship. 'Come home Jenny'.

Jenny shook her head, gave Erika a tender kiss on her tear stained cheek and stepped back from their embrace, but kept one of Erika's hands in hers. 'Emma doesn't belong here. She's not like us,' and Jenny was right, Emma belonged in Cologne and not with these people. Emma was that pure, innocent beacon of hope in Jenny's life and bringing her here was corrupting that. Emma was beginning to think these people were better than her, worth more than her, but to Jenny, Emma was worth more than everyone in that function room combined. But pure, innocent Emma would never know that, she'd never see. 'I don't love her like I loved you Erika. We're different. My home is Col-'

'You don't love me like you love her?' Jenny froze as she heard Emma's voice ring through the foyer behind her. How much had Emma seen? Probably enough for her to begin doubting herself all over again. Erika's eyes met Jenny's, and it didn't help that they were already guilt ridden, guilt that Emma could see.

Jenny closed her eyes in fear of seeing the hurt on Emma's face and turned to face her. When she opened her eyes she was met with an unexpected sight. Emma's face was pale, yes, but her resolve was steely. She'd put up an armour, effectively blocking Jenny out. The emotion was gone from her face and when Jenny thought about it, her voice also. It was clear and unwavering, a complete contrast to how Emma usually spoke when she was emotional, hurt or angry. Maybe she'd understand, maybe Jenny could explain and she'd understand if Emma wasn't letting her emotions drive her. Maybe it would be fine. 'Exactly Emma,' Jenny reasoned, 'We're different.'.

Emma nodded curtly, coldly almost. What was going on? 'Yes, you are. You both are. You're right. I don't belong here. I should go.' Maybe Emma was right, Jenny thought, maybe she did just need to cool off. Today had been a stressful one for both of them, things hadn't exactly gone to plan. Wait... we both are? 'I should go home'.

Home. Home? She was leaving. She meant home, she really meant home. Cologne, across the channel, in another time zone, in another country, home. Jenny felt like she'd been kicked in the gut, her heart was beating out of her chest. All of a sudden she realised, she'd lost control. She'd lost control of everything, the moment she'd asked Emma to come to London. She'd set the pieces in motion. Her, Emma, Erika, everything was of her own doing. She'd given in. She'd wanted Emma there, not for comfort, not for companionship, but as a barrier to use between her and Erika, and the barrier had taken a beating. How could she have been so selfish? So stupid? So short-sighted? In Emma's mind she could never stand up against Erika, for Erika had everything she didn't. Confidence, money, style, status and in Emma's mind Jenny. She knew Jenny first. She'd shared things with Jenny, things that even Emma hadn't yet. Everything she was experiencing with Jenny, someone else had been there first. Their first kiss, their first date, the first time they'd shared 'I Love Yous', Erika had heard it first, known it first, felt it first. And it didn't all end because they'd wanted it to, they were forced apart. In her eyes, she was just comfort, a poorer replacement for Erika. Not knowing if Jenny loved her more or less, not knowing if she was a better or worse kisser, not knowing if Jenny laughed harder at her jokes. It was the not knowing, and Jenny couldn't remember once reassuring her of these things. She'd told Emma she loved her, told her she loved her like no one else. She never said she loved her more, she never said didn't love anyone else. It was small but it was there and Jenny couldn't believe she'd not seen it. She'd been so caught up with resisting, that'd she'd completely neglected giving herself up to Emma. And now she was paying for it.

'Emma, _please_!' Jenny was practically begging now, 'Calm down, you don't understand, I-'

'No!' Emma cut Jenny off. Her resolve was breaking and the tremble from their fight earlier was back in her voice. 'I'm finally seeing clearly. Home is where the heart is and your heart is most certainly here.' Emma voice broke as tears escaped and began to roll freely down her stony features. Jenny's heart broke. She knew what was next. 'I don't think I can see you anymore Jenny Hartmann.'

Jenny's world stopped as Emma walked out of the foyer, and out of her life. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. She couldn't feel the tears burning her cheeks.

Erika was saying something but Jenny couldn't hear, didn't want to hear. Something was putting pressure on her arm, tightening and pulling causing her to lose her balance. She stumbled but was caught by a small but strong pair of arms. But they continued to shake her. Jenny just needed them to stop; she needed everything to just stop. Her head was light, her legs heavy *crack*.

Pain spread like wild fire across her face, her ears rang, her cheeks stung, her eyes watered.

'Jenny. Jenny what the fuck are you doing?' Jenny shook her head, clearing the cobwebs. Feeling was returning, her face felt like it was humming. She'd been slapped. Erika had slapped her. In all their years as friends Erika had never once laid a hand on Jenny. If she'd ever hurt her it was with words or lack of care, Erika had never struck her before. And now her voice was ringing in her ears. 'Jenny look at me.' But Jenny couldn't. She just shook her head, over and over.

After a few moments she looked up at the door from where Emma had left. 'Why didn't you say anything?' Jenny spoke to the room.

'It's not my business to-'

Jenny spun to face Erika, eyes streaming, finger pointing, 'This is what you wanted! You wanted her here. You wanted her to see the Jenny you know.'

'Jenny-'

'Don't '_Jenny_' me. Why does everyone do that?'

'Because you're a fucking idiot Jenny. You talk and talk but it's no action with you. Always, always the same. Why the fuck are you still here with me in this room? Why aren't you out there, why aren't you going after her?'

'Because... because every time we argue it gets worse. I say something and she dwells on it, I can't say the right thing, I lose my temper, and then I say something I don't mean. She's working so hard for me, for my approval and it's not enough because I still put myself first. However much I love her. Sometimes it's not right and I'm hurting her so much-'

'No, don't pull this crap Jenny, you're a Hartmann.'

'That doesn't mean anything.'

'It does to me,' Erika said earnestly. She waited for Jenny to respond and when she didn't, she spoke again. 'Hey, look at me.' To Erika's surprise, Jenny did. Her eyes were swollen from crying, her lips trembling. Without thinking she placed a soft kiss on Jenny's lips. It wasn't romantic, but it said everything Erika needed it to say. She'd never gotten to say goodbye to Jenny, or to make up for what happened a year previous. Now she had her chance.

Pulling back from Jenny's soft lips, Erika silently thanked God for not receiving a clout round the ear from her ex-girlfriend. Jenny's eyes were wide and riddled with confusion. 'I'll go and speak to her.'

'No,' Jenny said, a warning in her voice, 'You'd just make things worse.'

'I don't think I could balls this up anymore than you have, love.' Putting both hands on Jenny's shoulders, she looked dead into those azure eyes. 'She needs to hear from me what we had. What we shared. So she can understand why what you have is so different. So she can see why it's special, why she's special, to you. If you go to her now, she won't believe you. If I do? Maybe you have a chance.'

'How do you know she'll listen to you?' Jenny asked desperately.

Erika smiled now, almost wickedly. 'She won't listen, not at first. She just needs someone to blame and it shouldn't be you. Surprisingly I'd prefer to spend today being screamed at by a tiny blonde than in that room with those people.'

Jenny allowed herself to smile just a little. She loved Erika. She did. She'd probably never reach a stage in her life where she didn't, Jenny knew that. And this was why. She was always a friend first. Her best friend. Her closest friend. Her sister. She felt hope warm her heart. For at that moment, and for some bizarre reason, Jenny knew that the only person who could bring Emma back to her was Erika. And she knew Erika wouldn't back down from a fight, even from one that wasn't hers. She knew she wouldn't let her down. She couldn't. Jenny needed Emma. When she'd walked out that door, Emma had taken Jenny's heart with her. But Jenny didn't care about her heart. What she need most of all was Emma. Her Emma. And Erika had promised to deliver.


End file.
